Welcome to the MAD House
by reebajee
Summary: The Special Accommodations Force: a place for the sensory impaired, disabled Shinobi crippled or permanently injured on missions, and medical anomalies willing to look for experimental treatment in the world's most medically advanced hidden village. The SAF takes in those who are without hope and turn them into loyal soldiers. This is the struggle of the most disposable game pieces
1. Making Waves!

**Welcome to the M.A.D. House!**

 **Chapter 1: Making waves (2,408 words)**

* * *

The placement of one Murasaki Roka into team arrangements caused more conflict and opposed opinions than any other kunoichi in any other year:

 _"You're gonna put_ Murasaki Roka _, the_ cripple-corps genin _on_ that _jonin team? That's just cruel. I mean, come_ on _. You don't really think she'd be able to keep up with the famous copy nin, the last Uchiha and the fox container?"_

 _"She's an incredible sensor! A skill like that would round out their abilities amazingly. With her keen smell, hearing and chakra sense, no one would ever be able to sneak up on them."_

 _"You put a lot of faith into this cripp-"_

 _"Oh stop it with the cripple-corps! Murasaki may have had some medical issues as an_ infant _, but she's grown out of them to the point that she doesn't deserve the weight of that blasted title!"_

 _"She may have grown out of her chakra hypersensitivity, but she is still albino-"_

 _"The second Hokage was albino. I'm telling you, the girl is a sensing prodigy! She would be a great asset to the team, and with her skills, I guarantee you that your precious Uchiha and Uzumaki would never be taken unawares."_

* * *

The third Hokage could still hear the committee's arguing voices echoing in his mind. He sighed, knowing the argument that was to come would be on a whole other level. "Come in." Sarutobi uttered at the curt knock at the conference door.

"Have you finally deemed it time to enlighten us on your choice of kunoichi for the generation's most important team?" Homura questioned on his way in.

"I must say," Koharu added, "if I had any doubts before that we would not approve of your choice, the fact that you have stalled telling us until the very day of team assignments has squashed them."

Hiruzen didn't reply to their quips until the four of them were all seated. "I have decided that Murasaki Roka shall be the kunoichi of team seven, alongside Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke."

Frowning, Homura murmured, "I do not recall that name among the list of recent Academy graduates. Danzo, is she one of yours?"

"Unfortunately no." The old war hawk replied. "Which means she must be from the 'SAF'. I was unaware you were becoming sadistic in your old age, Hiruzen."

The Hokage scowled, a move that would make most quake in fear, but sadly had no effect on his long time friends. "I assure you, this decision is not some unfair gambit to watch an inadequate kunoichi struggle to keep up, as you and others have assumed. The girl's abilities by far outweigh her medical conditions and her tale of overcoming them is quite uplifting. Furthermore, the balance she could bring-,"

"Ah, so you are merely getting sentimental." Danzo cut in. "My mistake, it holds such a resemblance to sadism."

"Or perhaps senility." Homura put in. "We always thought you'd be the first one to go."

Sarutobi Hiruzen exhaled a plume of smoke and wistfully remembered a time when his advisors actually respected him.

* * *

The current and unaware object of said heated discussion between Kage and advisors walked out of the Medical Anomalies Division (M.A.D.) house at six-thirty that morning, grunting in dismay as she juggled two school schedule scrolls, a plain rice ball and an open sun umbrella in her arms. Noticing her umbrella come dangerously close to tipping over, Roka hurriedly stuffed her breakfast in her mouth and caught the handle more securely. She sighed around a mouthful of sticky rice. That was close. Then, adjusting her steel-framed parasol to sit clamped between her shoulder and neck, she continued to unfurl the scrolls, one in each hand. It was harder than it seemed. Ugh, why did everything have to be so difficult? Finally, Roka just decided to pull her mask up, suffocating heat be damned, so she could put her umbrella away. After the quick adjustment and a brief pause to fully unroll the scrolls, Roka examined the two schedules to decide what classes she would take today.

It was so exceedingly rare for someone from her division to even be _able_ to pursue a ninja career, that it was rather pointless to have an academy of their own. Instead, Roka got to choose classes between the two other divisions in the Special Accommodations Force (SAF).

Sadly, General Education, (which was open to all members of the force), wasn't until last period, so she'd have to wait the whole day to sit with someone from her own division. She did live with them, so it wasn't too bad, and at least she had her friends Dai in the Sensory Impairment Division (SID) and Nezumi in the Physical Impairment Division (PID).

Roka grinned when she spotted Deduction class on the schedule for PID. It was one of her favorite classes because the teachers performed scenes that the students could 'overhear' and figure out more information by reading body language and between the lines. She had to miss it last time because it was at the same time that the SID was having fitness tests and she'd heard that in one of the scenes Mako-Sensei and Haruki-Sensei kissed!

Roka was suddenly glad she had put her mask back on, because she was sure her pale cheeks were now terribly flushed. She giggled goofily as she rolled the schedules up to put back in her hip pouch, and skipped off to the Sensory Division's training ground for morning warmups.

* * *

Once Sarutobi Hiruzen managed to get a word in edgewise from his long-time friends and advisors, he snapped his fingers to signal an Anbu to bring in the head of the SAF, also known as the man he had delegated the unenviable duty of convincing the dour village elders that Roka-chan was adequate to be placed on team seven. The portly man swallowed under the weight of three unamused glares but stood valiantly against their condescending auras, trying not to let his hands tremble as he held open his manila folder with notes for his speech.

* * *

Hours later, Roka sighed as she slumped into her seat for the last class of the day. Despite her cheerful morning it had ended up being a trying day. Her nemesis in the Sensory Division mocked her performance during warm ups until she cried, and then mocked her for crying. Then again, that wasn't very unusual. She made sure to push herself extra hard to prove he was wrong but ended up getting a twisted ankle for her troubles. It was healed right away of course, but her wounded pride would take longer to fix. Her friend in the Physical Division was absent from Deduction, proving the teachers had indeed acted on their decision that Nezumi was better suited for the 'slow' class. It was a shame, really; Nezumi wasn't dumb but Roka assumed there wasn't so much ninja skills she could manage, what with being born missing half a leg and an odd number of fingers. They'd both seen the transfer coming, but it saddened Roka that she'd have less time to spend with her friend. Everyone knew that the slow class's remedial lessons took a lot of extra time.

At least this disappointing day was almost over, and all that stood between Roka and her nice dark room in the MAD House was an hour-long General Ed class. Roka wondered, briefly, what topic it would be this time: history, math, writing, etc. but didn't particularly care since she usually just spent this time passing notes with her division sibling Kaede and catching up on what he'd been up to while she was away learning at other divisions. Lots of medical tests and a few hours of home schooling was usually the answer.

Indeed, once their teacher seemed fully engrossed in the lecture on the Third Shinobi World War, Roka grabbed the piece of paper Kaede had been scribbling on, because knowing him, she was sure it wasn't notes on the lecture. It was in fact, a detailed and riveting tale recounting how Kaede had gotten that _one_ nurse who always missed the vein when drawing his blood, so he pretended that she triggered one of his seizures so that he could get someone else. Roka snorted into her hand but abruptly looked up when she heard her name being called.

"Murasaki Roka"

Everyone was looking at her, but Roka's eyes were on the door, where the head of the Special Accommodations Force stood. Her heart rate quickened. It was just a note! He couldn't kick her out of the SAF for that, right? But then realization kicked in, and Roka felt foolish. There was only one reason the head of the Force would pick someone up from class: an assignment…

…hold on, she had an assignment?! No Way!

"Please follow me to my office."

Roka blinked and then stood so abruptly she smashed her knees against the desk. "Y-yes sir." She stammered, excitement and disbelief thrumming in her veins. Roka caught Kaede's gaze, gratefully returning his encouraging, if slightly shocked and worried smile. She could feel the surprise, admiration and jealousy in the stares and chakra of her other classmates as she passed, and part of her reveled in it, just as another part of her shriveled up at the attention.

The walk to the head's office located in the hospital passed by in a blur, and next thing she knew, Roka was standing in front of his polished wooden desk.

"I assume you know why you're here?"

Roka's throat was so tight in anticipation she couldn't speak, only nod in confirmation. She was getting a mission! A real, above d-rank mission that once accomplished would make her a true genin of Konoha! Assignments like these were given when a mission needed a certain skill set that someone in the Special A Force had, or when a team was down a member and needed a temporary replacement. If accomplished satisfactorily, the Special Force member would then be moved to the General Forces and put on the official mission roster as a member of the Genin Corps. Occasionally they'd be recommended for specialized departments, like the New Military Police, Intelligence, or Research and Development.

Roka wondered what kind of mission they needed her for; tracking was most likely since that was her strongest skill, though maybe it would be something in T&I, since she had a knack of gauging a person's emotions by their chakra signature. Roka shuddered slightly; she hoped they wouldn't make her interrogate someone, but it would be worth it to become a genin.

Misinterpreting her shudders, the Head smiled at her kindly, if a little tiredly. "Congratulations." From a drawer in his desk he withdrew a Konoha headband. Roka took it with reverently shaking hands, and to her dismay, her eyes began to tear up from the sheer emotion. Turning away briefly, Roka took a moment to push up her goggles to wipe her eyes. She carefully removed her bandana to tie the headband, _her_ headband because she sure as hell wasn't going to fail this mission and have to give it back, around her pale, sweaty forehead. She turned back around, beaming with pride. The head of the force smiled back.

"Looks good. Now, as I'm sure you know, no one from your division has made it onto Jonin track in at least a decade. I had to fight hard on your behalf to get you on this team, Roka-san, and I'm sure you will do your Jonin-Sensei and the village proud."

Roka nodded eagerly before the words really sank in. When they did, she froze. "W-what? Jonin-Sensei? Jonin track?"

"Oh, that's right." The Head answered bemused, "I guess I forgot to mention, you've been chosen to be placed on a genin team."

Roka barely registered taking a seat before she collapsed from shock. "I- I'm not going to the genin corps?"

"No, you're not." The Head answered, slightly concerned. "Are you all right? Do you not feel up to this?"

"No! I mean Yes!" She exclaimed, jumping up from her seat at once. "I can do this sir! I won't let you down!"

He smiled, only a fraction of the huge relief he felt showing on his face. He didn't know what he'd do if Roka refused the team placement. He'd only just made it out of that god-awful meeting with the Hokage and his advisors after all and he wasn't too keen on going back. "I'm glad to hear it. I think so too." It was a shame he had to rush this, usually the SAF head liked to let his members have more time to settle into the idea of their assignments and prepare, but as it was those ableist old bats the Hokage called advisors had cut it down to the line with their stalling. Back to business, the SAF Head turned to a paper on his desk. "Now, you're due to meet your new teammates Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Jonin instructor Hatake Kakashi at the end of the school day-,"

"Wait," Roka interrupted, "did you just say _Hatake Kakashi?_ As in, the infamous copy nin?" At the head's nod, Roka barely contained a squeal. "Oh my gosh, I know someone is going to be _so_ jealous!" Then she stilled in realization. _Oh shit, he's going to be so jealous._ A shiver of impending doom slid down her spine. _Maybe if I get him an autograph he'll go easy on me…_

"Roka," The president said, jolting her out of her thoughts. "I just want to tell you," He paused as if unsure if he should say what he was planning to. "Any jonin, especially Hatake, is a venerable **adversary** , and he's rejected all teams proposed to him before this. So, even if you don't meet up to his standards, I want you to show that the Special Accommodations Force is willing and very capable to **work together** with others from the general force, do you understand me?"

Roka nodded slowly, somehow getting the sense that he was trying to tell her something beyond what he was saying. "I'll do my very best, sir." She promised him solemnly.

Searching what little he could see of her face, the SAF head replied, "Good. You're expected to meet them in room 132 of the general academy when school lets out, so you should get going."

She blinked. " _T-today_?" At his amused nod, Roka gave a brief bow and sprinted out.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Welcome to the MAD house, everyone! I'm super excited to be sharing this with you. This is sure to be a crazy ride, so hang on tight! I hope you like OCs because more will be showing up in the future.**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **Stay tuned! Next time, on Welcome to the M.A.D. House: First impressions!**


	2. Meat the Team!

**Chapter 2: Meet the team! (3,164 words)**

* * *

Roka skidded to a halt at the admonishing voice, "No running in the hallways!"

Right, this was a hospital, how could she forget? She could feel the dozens of unfamiliar chakra signatures, some bustling about, others stationary, one slowly fading out of existence… she shuddered and quickly turned her attention elsewhere, to the nurse who had reprimanded her. "Sorry…" Roka mumbled sheepishly.

"This is a Hospital, young lady!" The medic cut her off. "A place of healing! You should know better!"

"I-I know ma'am, I just needed to get somewhere quickly and-,"

"That's no excuse!" The nurse claimed angrily.

"There's a person dying miss," Roka cut her off. "Two floors up, five rooms that way. I can feel it, I'm a sensor."

The medic only spared a moment to blink in surprise before rushing off in the direction Roka had told her. Roka sighed in relief and resumed a quick trot to the academy.

Once out of the building, Roka squinted up at the sky, judging the time by the angle of the sun. Even through her tinted goggles, her sensitive eyes protested at the brightness. She squeezed them shut and proceeded to weave through the increasingly crowded streets, dodging and slipping, past and between the diverse emotive chakra signatures that brushed against her senses in a barrage of sensation, leaving her flustered and overwhelmed. There was a reason she mainly stuck to the less populated parts of the village and the SAF compound.

Roka was forced to open her eyes when she realized she didn't know where exactly the general academy was. Sure everyone knew that it was in an offshoot of the main administration building connected to the Hokage tower, and sure she knew where that was but the place had more doors than the hospital and that was saying something. It wasn't even like Roka knew how to get to the mission desk since the special D ranks that SAF kids could take for allowance money were handed out by their division heads.

After circling the huge building Roka had to concede defeat. Her mouth went dry at the thought of having to ask directions to the academy. If that wasn't an indicator of her SAF affiliation then Roka didn't know what was. Not that she was ashamed to be in the force but... people could be so mean sometimes. It was almost time though and she didn't want to be any later than she already was.

Roka screwed her eyes shut trying not to cry as she scanned the crowds for a chakra signature that felt like it was in a generous mood. It wasn't a sure fire way to find someone nice, she couldn't tell a person's personality based on their chakra, only get vague impressions of mood and character, but it would help. As Roka began to shake from the strain of so many people and emotions raging around her she felt it. Her face brightened as she sensed the solution walking right by her. She knew that chakra signature!

"Nobu-san!" Roka called out to the passing police officer. The veteran shinobi turned at the sound of his name and smiled when he spotted her, raising his stump arm in greeting.

"Roka-chan," He greeted as she ran up to him. "Good to see you out in the village proper for once. I thought I'd never see you again once I was released from rehab."

Roka flushed at the quip. "It's nice to see you out of the Physical Division too." She shyly responded. Playing with the cuffs of her gloves she added, "Will you still come and visit though?"

He laughed, resting his left and only hand on top of her head. "Of course! Now what can I help you with? You seem a little lost."

"I-I am." Roka admitted, embarrassed.

"Well maybe you wouldn't be if you got out of the SAF compound more." Nobu teased. "Where do you need to go?"

"The General Academy." Roka immediately told him. "I got an assignment!"

"Good for you!" Nobu enthused as he led the way. "Wait, isn't today team assignment day?" His eyes went wide as he looked down at the girl following beside him. "Roka-chan, did you get onto jonin-track?" At her hesitant nod he broke out into a grin. "Congratulations! That's amazing, and you should be proud of yourself."

"Y-yeah, thanks." Roka said, ducking her chin bashfully. "It's not that big a deal, plenty of kids get it all the time." She winced, muffling a squeak as he cuffed her on the back of the head for the comment- just like tou-san. Why did men have to have such aggressive affection?

"Hey, not every kid who gets onto jonin-track is a medical anomaly. You're what, the first in ten years? More? I'd say that's a pretty big deal!" Nobu said, ruffling her white hair. Roka really regretted walking on his left side that still had a hand.

Changing the subject she asked, "But what about you, Nobu-san? How are you liking being a part of the New Military Police?"

His hand thankfully left her head to mess up his own brown mane and Roka took the chance to fix her hair while he thought up an answer. "Well," He eventually started, "it's different, that's for sure, from being an active-duty ninja. Going from taking foreign missions to doing domestic work is going to take some getting used to, but no more getting used to than learning to do things one handed. It helps that the rest of the NMP know what I'm going through."

Roka smiled up at him through her mask. That's what she liked most about Nobu. He was so honest with his answers and didn't talk down to her because she was a kid, or because she was a medical anomaly. At seventeen and chunin, Nobu had recently lost his right hand on a mission, landing him a temporary slot in the PID for rehabilitation and a future in the police force. Honestly, Roka couldn't think of a better job for him; Nobu was friendly and kind, quick to diffuse situations with his words but quick enough to use his fist if need be. People liked and respected him, making Nobu a natural leader and authority figure. It was just a shame he had to lose his hand to be given a place in the Police Force.

Four years ago when the original Military Police had been decimated by the loss of the Uchiha clan, the PID had rallied together all their retired rehabilitated ninja with otherwise career ending injuries to keep the peace in the time of conflict. Thus the New Military Police was born and ninja like Nobu who were no longer fit for external mission work could continue to serve the village within the walls.

"Right through those doors, alright Roka-chan?" Nobu said, pointing out the entrance she needed to go through. "I should get back on patrol before Satoshi-san can get on my back. Good luck meeting your teammates!"

"Thanks Nobu-san! You're the best!" Roka called over her shoulder as she headed in. Once through the dual doors, Roka skidded to a halt, realizing for the first time that she had never been in the General Academy before. _What would it have been like_ , she wondered, _to go here instead of hopping back and forth between the academies for the sensory and physically impaired?_ She couldn't even imagine it.

Picking a random direction, Roka walked off down a hall, opening the first and unmarked door she came across. _Nope, just a weapons closet._ Roka made to close the door but paused. _Wait, a weapons closet?!_

She pulled the door open fully to gawk at the shelves and racks of weapons of destruction: windmill shuriken, chakram, nunchaku, Bo staff, kanabo, tonfa, sai, dual ended shuriken, trench knives, tekko kagi, karambit, kusarigama, ninjato, nine section chain whip, meteor hammer, rope dart, even a shakujo and model gunbai! General Academy kids got to learn how to use these? Roka had only gotten to see pictures of some of these in her 'Unusual Weapons' class at the SID. Roka's eye caught on a beautifully decorated tessen that made her palms itch and she had to force herself away from the tempting sight. _Team assignments,_ she reminded herself. _Pull yourself together and stop ogling the cool weapons! My umbrella beats all of these anyway._ Roka reluctantly shut the door to the weapons closet and looked for other doors or signs that could point her in the right direction.

 _Okay, room 132. Hmm. Ah! There_. Roka hurried over to the door she spotted and steeled herself to go in. No one was there. Confused, Roka looked around, noticing the strong scent of flowers, tea and something written on the board. Walking up to it to get a better look, Roka was only more confused when the blurry words cleared. 'Kunoichi class moved outdoors, meet at the second meadow.' _What the hell does that mean?_ Roka decided to check the room number again and had to refrain from smacking herself when she did. _Ugh! It's 184, not 132 idiot!_ She must have walked into the General Academy's equivalent of the PID's 'Cultural Studies' class for blending in with civilians. She wondered briefly, as she ran down the halls checking numbers and making sure to get much closer when she did, why they called it 'kunoichi class' if infiltration work was obviously for every gender.

Her musings came to a halt as Roka finally found herself outside of a door marked 132. She gulped. The two chakra signatures inside felt a mixture of impatient, bored and excited. She guessed she must be late. Roka took another moment to apprehensively feel and memorize the chakra of her two new teammates before taking a deep breath, steeling herself and opening the door.

The door to the now almost abandoned classroom creaked slowly open, and Sasuke turned a level gaze on the timid intruder. It had been a few minutes since class let out and he was eager to meet his new Sensei. Sasuke was however, severely disappointed with what he saw. Rather than their tardy sensei, it appeared that their final mystery teammate had decided to show up. She was covered from head to toe in a way reminiscent of how foreign civilians might picture shinobi, but whatever stealthy appearance her tinted goggles, black cloth mask, dark under armor and leggings might have afforded her was entirely negated by the obnoxiously colorful clothes she wore over it. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. Couldn't she just pick one look and go with it? Her yellow top, petal pink skirt, red gloves, blue toenail polish and, most offensive of all, purple parasol (with a strangely long handle) all screamed girly-girl, but it was layered over such an absolutely over the top caricature of a ninja costume as if that would make up for it! He saw with disgust that she wore a leaf headband over her forehead, thereby making the tips of her toes the only visible part of her skin, but more importantly, marking her as a ninja. She obviously didn't take the life of a ninja seriously enough if she dressed like _that_. Sasuke sneered. He already hated her. This girl with her white hair and ridiculous fluffy pink earmuffs could shove off.

"Well? Don't just stand there like a creep." He demanded.

Roka shrank into herself. It had taken all her courage to open that door- the door leading to an actual General Force classroom, to those two distinct chakra signatures; one so cold yet burning, the other warm and inviting, a hidden darkness underneath. But now, facing the sources of those chakra signatures, her teammates, Roka was frozen to the spot, pinned down by the dark one's judging stare. Oh god, he looked like a younger version of her nemesis if he still had eyes. Roka couldn't decide which was worse: being glared at by empty eye sockets or being glared at by these black, piercing, fathomless wells. She felt judged down to the very fiber of her being. She couldn't comprehend it; she knew that General Force ninja looked down on her kind, but…

Naruto turned to looked at the strange girl in the doorway "Who are you?" He blurted, "You look…." Naruto trailed off, not sure what she looked like.

Roka wilted. Of course he would bring up her looks. She searched her mind to find the least unflattering thing she had been described as to provide for the floundering teammate. "Like a fashion obsessed Aburame?" She supplied. It took all her willpower not to sigh. "I'm aware."

"Oh." Naruto blinked.

"Are you an Aburame?" Sasuke asked.

"No." She answered shortly.

"Who are you? You weren't in the academy." He accused. "I would have remembered."

 _Oh god,_ Roka thought. _What do I say?_ "I- I was trained separately. At a different school."

"Whoa! Really?" Naruto exclaimed. "I didn't know there were other ninja schools beside the academy! Is it super cool? I bet you're really awesome, right?"

Desperate to get the subject away from the SAF, Roka asked, "How good are you at KonStan hand signs? I'll be using them when my voice gives out." She didn't mention that only happened when she was silently crying, like just then.

"Does that happen a lot?" Sasuke asked somewhat curiously.

She shrugged, signing, " _Occasionally."_

"Tch." Sasuke did not need a weakling like her holding him back.

* * *

Kakashi sighed. He _really_ wasn't looking forward to meeting his genin team. He didn't even want to think about his issues with the boys… _sensei, Obito…_ no. Those wounds were too sore. He wouldn't think about it. So he focused all his frustration on the thought of the kunoichi he was slotted with. _The Special Accommodations Force? Really?_ It wasn't that Kakashi had anything against the SAF, but they were… well, to put it politely… oh, fuck it, they were the laughing stock of all 'real' shinobi and a bit of a running joke too. It was just his luck to get the first one (from the Medical Anomaly Division) to make it onto jonin track in more than a decade.

Kakashi had read her file, he could see what the instructors were thinking in putting her on this team… she was an amazing sensor and tracker, her taijutsu was above average as well as all other aspects of her shinobi skill set except ninjutsu, and being from the SAF knew a bit of medical jutsu as well… but still, why did it have to be _him_? Surely they could have found another jonin better suited for the job? Gai would be so much better at this than him. That's one competition Kakashi'd concede to hands down. Being from the SAF she'd probably need special treatment. What a drag, as a Nara would say. Apparently the girl was albino _and_ had a very rare allergy to _sunlight,_ causing her to break out in hives when too much skin was exposed to the sun. She also had incredibly good sense of smell and hearing and was sensitive to strong smells and loud noises. _Well at least she isn't deaf._ Kakashi thought rather uncharitably. Then, when Kakashi finally got a look at the subject of his inner grumblings innocently standing in the corner doodling on the chalkboard, he froze. _No. That can't be right._ The fates must be laughing at him. Obito's goggles, Rin's skirt and haircut, Kakashi's mask, and finally, his father's white hair… _No_. Kakashi reminded himself. He knew the reason for most of those attributes, and the ones he didn't were probably coincidence… but still, if she just changed the colors of her outfit- _but nothing._ _She's just a little girl. Stop pinning your memories of the dead on her._ Taking a deep breath Kakashi stepped through the door, ignoring the eraser that immediately fell on his head. _Oh god, looking at them all together is even worse._ He thought.

Frozen in his genin-induced flashbacks, Kakashi barely registered Naruto's laughter at his prank abruptly taper off with an incredulous, "Hold on! You too? What's with you people and masks? Am I the only person on this team with an actual face?"

Kakashi blinked out of his reverie. "Well, my first impression of you is that I hate you." He said honestly. "Meet me on the roof." Then his shunshined out of there as fast as he could to take a moment to compose himself, leaving his students a little stunned at his sudden absence.

"Well, uh, I guess we should go to the roof!" Naruto mumbled weakly.

"Tch," Sasuke grumbled. "Now you've done it. And I so too have a face."

"No you don't!" Naruto instantly replied. "It's made of rubber! Why else would you only have one expression?" He contorted his face into a cartoonish frown to illustrate. Sasuke scowled at him, only proving his point and causing Naruto to grin cheekily. Turning to the spot their last teammate used to be he asked, "Isn't that right? Hey! Where'd she go? Race ya to the top teme!"

Once Kakashi's genin, _oh god they're_ my _genin,_ my _responsibility!_ Reached the roof, two huffing and puffing from their race, one cool from her walk, He clapped once. "Alright! Now that we're all here let's introduce ourselves. How about ladies first?"

"Murasaki Roka."

Kakashi waited a beat for her to continue. When she didn't he asked, "That's it? No likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future?"

"I like… bland food, and cloudy days. I dislike Ryu, sunlight and people who take things for granted. My hobbies are drawing, training and meditating."

"Any dream for the future?"

"My… dream?" She paused, having never considered such a thing (at least, not in so many words.) She used to wish her parents would come back for her, but that wasn't something under her control. Roka hunched over, hand on her chin in thought. "I…" Many things came to mind, things that Roka wanted; beating Ryu for once, being officially adopted, convincing the Hokage to put a giant sun umbrella over the whole world… but those were merely desires, they didn't count as a _dream_.

Once, she would have probably said becoming a Konoha shinobi was her dream, but the weight of the metal forehead protector proudly reminded her that she had already achieved that. So what does she dream now? "I dream… to someday repay the village for all it has done for me and my friends by being a useful asset to Konoha!" Roka smiled impishly under her mask. Yes, that is her dream: to repay Konoha, the village that took her in, gave her medical care, gave her a _home_ , and to finally be _useful._

Kakashi didn't look at her. He found it easier to think rationally if he didn't. So, staring over her head, Kakashi nodded. _Well, it seemed the SAF definitely did its job entrenching loyalty and devotion to the village into this one._

* * *

 **Notes:** **And thus starts the new and improved extremely dysfunctional team seven. Tell me what you think and leave a review!**

Acronyms to remember:

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time, on Welcome to the MAD House: Meet Roka's Rival!**


	3. Roka's Rival!

**Chapter 3: Roka's Rival! (1,680 words)**

* * *

The following days went by as smoothly as any team seven could possibly go, that is to say, not very. Kakashi was disappointed that his three walking triggers managed to be the first team to pass his test and could barely handle looking at his students for more than five minutes. They trained, they took D-rank missions, Naruto clambered for everyone's attention and tried to dispel the awkwardness that only he could feel, Sasuke looked down on everyone, and Roka was rather bland and obedient so far, the only moment regarding her that stood out in Kakashi's mind being when she shyly asked for two of his autographs, one for herself and one to bribe her… _friend._ Oh, and she also seemed to have gotten the true meaning of the bell test right before the timer rang. Other than that, she was practically mute for how infrequently she talked. It wasn't until more than a month later that everything came to a head.

Naruto yawned widely as he made it onto the dewy morning grass of the training grounds.

"Close your mouth, dobe, you'll catch flies like that." Sasuke quipped.

Snapping his mouth closed, Naruto glared at his taciturn teammate. "Hey! My breath doesn't smell _that_ bad, I even brushed my teeth this morning."

Sasuke leaned against one of the training posts and rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Unfazed as ever by Sasuke's terrible attitude, Naruto perked up and started bouncing excitedly. "Hey, hey Sasuke! Wanna spar while we wait for the others? I'm so gonna beat your ass!"

"Tch, in your dreams." Sasuke smirked. "You're on."

Their playful banter continued as they made their way to the center of the field, until Sasuke stopped in his tracks. "Who is that?"

"Huh?" Naruto turned to look. Indeed, there in the middle of their training ground was a short-ish boy with brown hair and a light green tank top sitting cross-legged and wearing a blind-fold. "Oi! Who are you?" Naruto yelled. When the kid didn't respond, he ran up to him. "Hello?"

Sasuke spotted movement at the edge of the tree line and saw their third teammate begin to run over.

Naruto, sick of being ignored, shook the boy's shoulder, causing him to jolt in surprise and quickly remove his blindfold. Naruto tilted his head. "Who are you?"

The stranger blinked and then answered, "Dai. Who are you?" There was something off about his speech, Sasuke noted, and he spoke both aloud and in KonStan sign language. His spoken words were stilted, rehearsed sounding, but something about the tones and syllables was just off.

Ever the tactless one, Naruto decided it was a good idea to mention this. "You talk funny." He said, scratching his head: his head that was soon thereafter slapped by the newly arrived Roka.

"Dai is deaf, you obnoxious imbecilic lout! If you say one more insensitive thing to my little brother, I'll make you regret it!" She too spoke in KonStan Sign language when she yelled, Sasuke noted, but there were some words that he'd never learned in the academy. He could only assume that 'obnoxious imbecilic lout' wasn't a common phrase that needed to be silently transmitted often during missions.

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise at their usually quiet kunoichi's angry outburst. "Wha-?! I'm sorry! I didn't know!" Turning back to Dai he shouted, " **Are you really deaf? You can't hear me?** "

"Uzumaki..." Roka uttered in warning, but Dai's hand on her shoulder stopped her from going further.

"Roka! It is okay. He's just curious." He said in his garbled speech.

Indeed, Naruto was curious, "How can you tell what I'm saying?" He asked eagerly.

"I can read your lips." Dai answered proudly. "Roka-nee has to sign when she's wearing her mask though."

"That's so cool!" Naruto enthused, causing Dai to smile. "But why were you wearing a blindfold earlier?"

"Roka-nee was helping me work on my chakra sense. I can't be a ninja until it's good enough so that it can make up for my lack of hearing." Dai rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "I still need work though since you guys could sneak up on me."

Roka patted his head. "You'll get there," she said then paused, tensing. Under her breath she muttered "damn it. Why the hell's _he_ here?"

Just as she spoke a new figure entered the clearing. Sauntering up to the group, a pale older boy with messy black hair covering most of his face slung an arm over the suddenly hesitant looking Dai. The newest arrival's beige hoodie was left unzipped and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, mesh under-armor underneath accentuating the muscle tone in his forearms and chest. Glancing at Naruto and Sasuke respectively, the newcomer nodded. "Well if it isn't Uzumaki and the ' _last'_ Uchiha." He said sardonically, causing Sasuke to bristle and narrow his eyes. "Wind and lighting/fire affinity, huh? That's an interesting combo."

"Stop showing off Ryusuke." Roka grumbled, still signing while she talked for Dai's benefit.

Naruto looked confused. "Eh? What are you talking about?"

Completely ignoring him, the older boy turned to her and gave an impression of raising an eyebrow behind his curtain of hair. "You don't mean to say you couldn't sense their chakra natures?" He asked in mock surprise. "That's unexpected. As the SAF's _'top sensor'_ ," here his voice turned bitter and dubious, "one would think that you'd be able to perform such an easy task."

"Why are you here?" Roka asked flatly. "I told you not to come bother me and my teammates."

"Then again," he continued, "I was rather dubious that was why they chose you over me."

"Is that what this is about? Even if I weren't on this team, you wouldn't be either." Roka told him. She was still sore from their last confrontation regarding her team placement, figuratively and literally, and she wasn't really keen on a rematch.

"Ugh! What's going on?" Naruto whined. "Who are you, and why are you as much of a jerk as Sasuke-teme?"

The black haired boy growled softly. "I'm Ryusuke, idiot. Try listening to what's going on around you for once, it might help your brain from collapsing."

"Oi!" Naruto shouted indignantly. "I'll show you-!" But his attempted launch at Ryusuke was stalled as Sasuke grabbed the back of his jacket.

"What are you doing here?" Roka asked again.

Tightening his grip possessively around Dai's shoulders, Ryusuke said, "I think what's more important is what _you_ are doing here with _my_ kohai."

"He's my friend too-!" Roka protested until Dai cut in.

"She was training me. Helping with my chakra sense so I can still fight in the dark or if something gets in my eyes."

The older boy frowned down at him for a moment. Eventually he spoke, derision evident in his voice. "Thanks for trying to help Murasaki, but leave it to someone who is actually from our division."

Naruto, his anger momentarily forgotten in the face of curiosity asked, "Division? You mean like class? Hey! Are you from that other ninja school that Roka is from?"

Ryusuke scoffed, "I'm sure a General Forces genin wouldn't know, but the Special 'A' Forces works a bit differently."

The kunoichi of team seven crossed her arms "Stop pea-cocking Ryusuke. We all know what the 'A' stands for." She said.

"We do?" Naruto asked.

"Accommodations." Roka nearly spat. "Now why are you here Ryu?"

"What, does a big brother need a reason to visit his little sister?" He mocked.

"I'm not your sister." Roka retorted acidly.

"Oh? But isn't the SAF a great big family? Didn't I just hear you squealing to the world that Dai was your little brother?"

"I wasn't squealing." She growled.

"Yeah? What do you know? It sure sounded like squealing to me."

"Ugh, just go away, Ryu!"

" _Ugh, just go away Ryu!"_ He mimicked her whining tone.

Sasuke, not quite as amused as Naruto was at seeing their usually silent teammate squabble with her rival/big brother figure, decided to cut in for more information. Something was bothering him and he wanted it clarified. "What are those divisions you were talking about?" He demanded.

Ryusuke cocked his head in Sasuke's direction. "The SAF has four main divisions. Dai and I are from the Sensory Division, which just so happens to have the highest rate of members who move on to join the general forces and go onto Jonin track." He said smugly. "Then there's the Physical Division for those with atypical bodies or are amputees, and lastly, the _medical anomalies._ " He sneered. "That's the division Roka's from. Someone from there getting onto Jonin track is almost unheard of."

"Really?" Naruto asked eagerly. "You must be really cool to make it then!"

Roka didn't answer, merely clenching her fists.

"Yeah, suuure." Ryusuke elongated, "It's super cool. It even has an awesome nickname that people secretly call it."

"Ryusuke." Roka warned, hands beginning to spasm.

Behind his hand he stage whispered, "It's also known as the freaks of nature class."

"Stop it!" Roka growled.

"You don't want to know why she has to cover up like that. Stuff gives you nightmares." Ryu joked. Dai began to look uneasy, glancing between Roka and Ryu like he expected one of them to instantaneously combust.

"Shut. Up." Roka hissed.

Heedless of her anger, or rather, because of it, Ryusuke continued, "She really only got onto your team because the higher ups felt bad for her. Or just wanted to get rid of her. Her own mother can only bear to see her freakish face once a year you know. We've all hoped that she'd die some point in our lives, so try to lose her on some mission, okay? Maybe then you could replace her with someone who's actually useful, like me. Sorry you had to be settled with such a burden in the meantime."

 _"_ _Dai. Move."_ Roka signed, with hands shaking from fury, shame and embarrassment.

Barely waiting for Dai to duck out of the way, she flung a kunai as hard as she could at Ryu.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **So now the boys get to see fury from our timid little mouse. Fight! What do you think is going to happen? Let me know in a review!**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force,_ sometimes shortened to _Special 'A' Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time, on Welcome to the MAD House: Bite of the Blind Dragon!**


	4. Bite of the Blind Dragon!

**Chapter 4: Bite of the Blind Dragon! (2,361 words) - _and sorry it's been a while!_**

* * *

 _"Dai. Move."_ Roka signed, with hands shaking from fury, shame and embarrassment.

Barely waiting for Dai to duck out of the way, she flung a kunai as hard as she could at Ryu.

Just in the nick of time, Dai made it out from under Ryu's arm before Roka's Kunai whizzed toward the taller boy. Ryusuke on the other hand almost didn't make it, only jumping out of the way at the last possible second.

"Oi! Projectiles aren't fair Murasaki!"

"I'm a shinobi now Ryu. Why should I be fair?" She retorted in a suspiciously choked voice.

"Some shinobi, crying in the middle of a fight." He retorted.

"I'm! Not! Crying!" She screamed, punctuating every word with a thrown weapon.

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged utterly baffled looks. Ryu dodged sloppily but it didn't matter because Roka's aim was off in her distress.

"Stop it!" Dai yelled but neither paid any mind. Roka took a moment to push up her goggles and furiously wipe her eyes and in her moment of distraction Ryuu tackled her to the ground. She shrieked in surprise and fury.

"Get off!"

"Make me."

They grappled, a tangle of flailing limbs and angry shouts, Roka cursing her opponent out.

"You stupid-!" Ryuu grabbed a fistful of her hair and pushed her face into the ground. She elbowed him and rolled them over. "Ugly-!" He punched her in the face and flipped them again. "Asshole, Moron!" She shoved his face with her hand, pushing his bangs back in the process and Naruto and Sasuke gaped in horror at the sight of the older boy's eyes, or rather, scarred lack thereof. Ryusuke grimaced at the uncomfortable angle of his neck and grabbed Roka's hands and pinned them above her head. "I win." He announced smugly. "as _always_."

" _I hate you_." Roka hissed back. Then she simultaneously pulsed her chakra and screamed at the top of her lungs, causing her adversary to flinch as if burned and cover his ears with his hands. Roka took the opportunity to jump to her feet and kick Ryusuke in the face before he made it off the ground. "I! Hate! You!" She screamed with every kick to his side. She took out a kunai, but before she could even begin to proceed with all the things she wanted to do to Ryusuke, a pair of arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her away from him. "Let me go!" She yelled.

Naruto, who'd only just gotten out of his shock at the rapid progression of the fight and change in teammate's behavior protested to his squirming captive, "You can't kill him Roka! I'm all for teaching jerks a lesson but he was already down! You gotta be the better person!"

Roka stilled in his grip as his words sank in, and she saw Ryusuke shakily get to his feet, glaring sightlessly in her direction and wiping the blood off his face. "You were fighting dirty Murasaki! You'll pay for that-!" He threatened, taking a step forward, only to pause as Sasuke stepped in his path. "Uchiha." He said coolly, before spitting a mouthful of blood on the ground.

"I don't know who you think you are," Sasuke stated,

"I'm Ryus-!"

"-and I don't care. This is our team's training ground so leave."

Ryusuke bared his bloody teeth in a furious snarl and took a menacing step towards the younger Uchiha. Sasuke merely gave him an unimpressed look, glancing at how the older boy wobbled on his feet and clutched at his bruised ribs, and turned away from what he no longer considered a threat. His earlier suspicion confirmed, he turned to Roka, who had managed to extricate herself from Naruto's grip in the time his back was turned, "And you-," She stiffened in the act of trying to discretely wipe her tears. Sasuke sneered. "Why the hell didn't you tell us you were from the _cripple corps?"_ Roka stilled in shock, his words like a slap to the face. "I can't believe I got stuck with two complete losers for teammates!" Sasuke ranted. In his self-righteous anger he either didn't notice or care when his white-haired teammate began to shake. "I'm Sasuke Uchiha, I am an avenger! I will not be held back from my goal by being teamed with the dead-last-dobe and a useless, weak, cripple corps nobody!"

His words cut straight to her insecurities and her lips trembled behind her mask, head bowed in shame.

"I've deserved to get this far!" Sasuke continued. "I've done too much to be dragged back! I was top of my class, Rookie of the Year! As the last Uchiha, it is my _right_ to _-!_ "

Sasuke's speech was cut off by a kunai suddenly pressing into his neck from behind.

"Sasuke!" Naruto screeched, jumping forward only to be held back by Roka in an ironic switch of positions. She didn't really feel emotionally up to holding him back, but she knew better to let anyone interfere with Ryu when his chakra felt like _that._

So far she liked Naruto better than Sasuke, (even though she thought his cruel assessment of her was right) and if Ryusuke wanted to maim someone, she'd rather it be Uchiha.

"Shut up." Ryusuke uttered ominously. "You don't get to talk to Murasaki that way."

Sasuke merely scoffed. "As if you could really kill me." He immediately regretted his words though as Ryu's hand came up to cover his mouth and yank his head back to better expose his neck. Ryu's kunai traced a trail over Sasuke's pale skin, leaving blood beading in its wake.

"Roka let me go! Let Sasuke go! Stop fighting!" Naruto yelled.

"I could." Ryusuke whispered tauntingly. "I could kill you right now." In a high, cloying voice meant to imitate Sasuke he said, " _But the police-_ But the police are on _my_ side, Uchiha. Funny reversal, don't you think?"

Naruto pulled against Roka's hold. "I don't know what the heck you're talking about, but we all need to calm down or something!"

Sasuke struggled but the hand over his mouth tightened until he was sure there would be finger shaped bruises on his cheeks, and his neck was bent even more painfully back. "Or," Ryu let his knife trail up the side of Sasuke's face until the tip was angled at his temple, "I could take your eyes. Uchiha are so attached to their eyes." He muttered bitterly. "I wonder if you've unlocked your sharingan yet. As I'm sure you've noticed going by the agitation in your chakra signature near the end of Roka's and my little spat, I am in need of a pair of eyes, and yours are so tempting."

"What the hell?" Naruto sputtered, horrified.

Using all of his strength, Sasuke finally managed to pull Ryusuke's surprisingly tight grip from his face so that he could snarl, "Bloodline theft is a crime punishable by death."

Ryu gave the impression he'd be rolling his eyes if he had any. "Sure, kid. Or it's a feat celebrated heroically, depending on the party."

"We're all on the same side here!" Naruto shouted desperately.

Ryu's hand that had been covering Sasuke's mouth tightened its new hold on his scratched neck. No one but Roka noticed his fingers glow medical green; dimming as soon it came.

Sasuke grimaced. "You won't get away with accosting the last Uchiha-!"

"Oh, Get over yourself!" Ryusuke snarled. "Even if the Uchiha were half as great as you think they were, clans die out. You're not so special. Your teacher is the last Hatake. Tsunade-Hime is the last damn Senju. Try picking up a history book. Do you see any other fucking Uzumaki around? You're not even really the last Uchiha! That title belongs to your _saint_ of a brother when he comes back to finish everyone off!"

A great woosh of air left his lungs as Sasuke let go of his hold on the hand around his neck to send a powerful elbow strike into the boy standing behind him, right in the side that Roka had been kicking earlier. Ryu stumbled back in pain and looked up to face an absolutely livid Sasuke, blood smudged around his healed neck where the older boy's weapon had scratched.

"Don't you dare speak of that man to me." He growled.

Naruto too managed to escape his SAF member's half-hearted hold and jumped between each of the other three figures. "I don't know what the heck is going on, but everybody has to stop trying to kill each other!" He shouted.

"Mah, mah," A familiar drawl enunciated, "what's going on here? I could have sworn I only had three cute little genin to take care of."

"Hatake-san." Ryusuke muttered deferentially.

"Kakashi." Sasuke rudely acknowledged. "I want off of this team."

"What took you so long?" Naruto exploded "Everyone's been trying to kill each other and talk about sisters and brothers and eyeballs!"

Roka said nothing.

Kakashi held up his hands in a placating manner. "Mah, one at a time, my cute little genin. I was just helping a fair maiden retrieve her purse that she had dropped in the river when this fine young man came to alert me to the fact that you all were having some trouble." His hand came down upon a wide-eyed Dai's shoulder that no one had noticed leave. "Now, would someone like to explain what is going on?"

"Um, I'm going to leave now." Dai spoke and signed before taking one last nervous glance around and then turning tail.

Naruto burst into a tirade.

"They're all crazy!" Naruto yelled. "Completely nuts! First Dai was here and Roka-chan got mad at me because I didn't know he's deaf, then Ryu came over and started being mean to Roka-chan and that's not cool, but then she tried to _kill him_ , and then Sasuke-teme said some mean stuff to Roka-chan and then Ryu tried to kill _him_! And if I hadn't stepped in and you came in time, Sasuke-teme would've tried to kill him back! I don't get it! We're comrades, right? You said shinobi who abandon their teammates are worse than trash, so what are shinobi who try to kill their comrades? I thought- I thought having a team wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought it would be different!" Naruto's eyes welled up in frustration and disappointment.

Sasuke merely scoffed at his blatant show of emotion. Jerking a thumb at Ryusuke he muttered ominously, "That asshole has it coming. He attacked me and threatened to take my eyes. And," here he gritted his teeth, "he talked about that man." Sasuke took a breath and stated once again in his usual monotone, "as for the others, they're all weak. I want another team."

"Says the only guy who's still bleeding." Ryusuke mumbled under his breath, ignoring the confused look Roka shot him.

Sasuke sent him a glare. "Says the guy who got his ass handed to him by a sick little cripple corps girl."

"Sasuke-kun, we don't use that term anymore." Kakashi corrected. Sasuke turned his glare to his teacher but Kakashi was unfazed. "And Ryu, was it? You and I will have a talk about attacking my student." Ryusuke nodded grudgingly and Kakashi continued. "Now, if you all want to split the team up, I guess we could figure something out…" _And then I won't have to teach you three horrible reminders of my past,_ he thought. "What do the rest of you say?" He looked hopefully to Naruto, but once the tears were wiped from his eyes, determination clearly shined in his gaze. "I won't give up!" He announced. "We can make this team work, believe it! And then we'll be the best team that Konoha, no, that the _world_ has ever seen!"

Kakashi nodded reluctantly and turned to his last student. "Roka-chan?"

The albino's head was bowed, hair obscuring what little of her face could be seen and hands clenched at her sides. Eventually she whispered, "I'm sorry." It was so soft that they could barely hear it, but in the stillness of the clearing her words reached their ears nonetheless. "I know I'm pathetic and useless and the only thing I'm any good at is chakra sensing. I'm sorry I'm just a burden right now, but… this is the only chance I'll get. I'm sorry. I'm… I'm so sorry."

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably as the strong scent of tears wafted to his masked nose. Luckily for him, Ryu said something before he had to.

"Hey." He muttered gruffly. "Don't put yourself down in front of these assholes."

"Oi!" Naruto yelled indignantly.

Ryu sighed. "Uzumaki's okay I guess. And Hatake-san, you're not an asshole, or at least not that I know of." He distinctly left Sasuke out of his amendments. "Anyway, the point is, I'm the only one allowed to put you down so don't you dare go doing it yourself. That's my job Murasaki. And I'll beat up anyone who takes my job." He glared pointedly at Sasuke.

"Thanks Ryu." Roka choked out. "I still hate you though."

"Hate you too." Ryusuke growled in a way that was almost fond.

"That's… _touching_." Kakashi commented blandly. "Now that we've got that settled and it seems we're not breaking the team up after all, how about some training!"

"You can't be serious!" Sasuke exclaimed angrily. "I'm not working with those two dead weights!"

"That's too bad," Kakashi drawled. "Then you'll be working against them." Turning to his other students he said, "You two have fifteen minutes to strategize on how to take him down." To Ryusuke he eye-smiled and said, "Oh, and you're free to stay and work with Sasuke-kun if you'd like."

Ryu made a face at that. "I think I'd rather have my eyes torn out again. See you back at the compound, freak!" He called back to Roka as he left. "And stay the hell away from my Kohai!" And with that he was gone.

"All right!" Kakashi said. "You can use these fifteen minutes as a head start, Sasuke-kun, but stay within the training grounds. Roka-chan, Naruto-kun, stay a bit and I'll tell you what to do."

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Older brother figures, am I right? They're not all they're cracked up to be. (Sorry bro, if you're reading this. It has nothing do with you I swear!) Leave a review if you've got an older brother, or even if you don't.**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time on, Welcome to the MAD House: How brooders console themselves**


	5. Enemies, Friends and Family

**Chapter 5: Enemies, Friends and Family (2,842 words)**

* * *

Once a long day of thoroughly and satisfyingly trouncing Sasuke with the help of their sensei was complete, Roka made her way back to the SAF dormitories located just a few blocks from the hospital. Normally she would have continued training on her own, but the fact that Ryu had told her he'd see her back at the compound almost assuredly meant he wanted to meet with her. That never bode well for her, but Roka cheered herself up with the knowledge that sensei said that she and Naruto could double-team Sasuke for as long as it took him to accept working with them. She made her way to the familiar room, but paused when she felt Kakashi-sensei's chakra inside along with Ryu. Not wanting to interrupt, Roka sat in the hall to wait and listen in. Ryusuke no doubt could feel that she was there and would tell her if he didn't want her to eavesdrop.

"Now, Ryusuke-kun," Kakashi said, and Roka winced at his choice of honorific. If he were any other person, he would not get away with that. "why don't you tell me what happened this morning."

Roka could feel Ryu's chakra swirl as he contemplated what the right answer would be. Eventually he spoke. "I followed Roka and Dai because I wanted to piss her off."

Roka's own chakra began to stir in irritation at his casual admittance, but she tamped it down when she felt Ryu's begin to feel amused. She would not give him the satisfaction.

"Then she and I sparred; I can only get the coward to fight me when she's really pissed off, see." Roka fumed, her anger only multiplied because she knew he was right. "Sasuke took issue with being on a team with someone from our forces, and I decided to teach him some humility."

Kakashi hummed thoughtfully. "And how did you decide to do that?"

Ryu sighed, and Roka could tell he was doing that head-roll thing he did in place of rolling nonexistent eyes. "I threatened his life a little, held a kunai to his neck and told him to get over himself. Nothing too bad. Roka said you did the same thing after your bell test."

"That was an example hostage situation and I didn't threaten to steal Sasuke's eyes." Kakashi pointed out. "That's a serious offence, you know. Not something that should be said jokingly."

Roka flinched as she felt Ryu's chakra flare angrily. "You think I don't know that?" He yelled. She could picture the way his hands would clench and how he'd toss the hair out of his face to prove his point.

"Then why did you say it?" Kakashi asked calmly.

Ryu's chakra subsided into a smaller roiling mass. After a long silence he said, "I was warning him. Of what he might face in the future. Supply and demand, you know. I hear red and black eyes are all the rage."

Kakashi's voice was stern and his chakra sharp. "Stop joking around Ryusuke. What was really going on?"

Ryu chuckled bitterly. "Fine. He kept going on and on about being the last damn Uchiha. He's not."

Roka raised an eyebrow at that. Maybe her being on the team placement _wasn't_ why Ryu had shown up as she thought. Maybe it was _Sasuke's_ placement.

Kakashi sighed. "Ah, politics. Listen, clan issues aren't any of my business. Just don't let it interfere with either of your training."

Ryusuke paused, " _Either_ of our?"

Kakashi's chakra gave the impression of shrugging. "You're both shinobi of Konoha with high potentials. I'd hate to see something like this get in the way of what either of you can become."

Ryu was silent for a bit but Roka could clearly feel the elation in his energy at being acknowledged by his hero and she wondered if Kakashi's autograph was still on the wall where he had pinned it. That could explain the brief sense of amusement Kakashi's chakra emitted before the conversation. Ryu hadn't given her any slack for the gift; he still beat the shit out of her when he found out Roka got on a team with his hero, angrily claiming ' _I'm blind, what the fuck would I want with his signature?'_ But he had put it on his bedroom wall nonetheless. Roka snapped out of her memory as she felt Ryu's chakra calm into a more typical roil. "Thank you." He eventually said.

She hadn't known Kakashi long, but Roka knew him well enough to picture his typical eye-smile and two-fingered wave as he took his preferred exit out the window. All was quiet for a bit before Ryu eventually moved to open the door. "Looks like someone left their trash in the hall." He snubbed in way of greeting.

Roka scowled as she got to her feet. "What do you want, Ryu?"

"I'm mad. Let's fight." He demanded without preamble.

She blinked. "You made me interrupt my training for _that?"_ She asked incredulously, "You're _always_ mad."

Ryu huffed and grabbed her arm as he walked passed. "I still gotta pay you back for that shit you pulled this morning. I told you; you only do taijutsu and ninjutsu with me. Besides, dumbass, fighting _is_ training."

"Maybe for you!" Roka protested, futilely pulling against his hold. "All I ever get is beat up!"

"So you admit you're a weakling?" Ryu asked.

"Wha- _No!"_

"Then what's the problem, Murasaki?" Ryusuke taunted. "Are you scared? I'm flattered."

"I'm not scared of _you!"_

"Oh, really? Your chakra says otherwise~!"

"I- I just don't like pain, okay? That's normal!" Roka screeched in the way only Ryu could manage to pull from her.

"Nothing about you is normal, freak. You're just a wimp!" Ryu grinned; he was in a better mood already.

* * *

Sasuke, however, was in a decidedly horrible mood by the time he made it to the designated meeting spot, or 'secret hideout' as his friend Yuri liked to call it. Venerated genius she may be, but Yamanaka Yuri was still two years younger and her sense of drama reflected that. Sasuke easily dismantled and reapplied the layered genjutsu traps surrounding the area and made it into their shared little nook. She quirked a brow at him from behind her book, taking in his bruised and rumpled form without comment.

"Were you followed?" She asked instead.

Sasuke scowled in offence, well, scowled harder than he already was. "Of course not. Who do you take me for?"

Yuri shrugged, standing from her seat on an empty fruit crate and stretched her arms over her head. "You're Sasuke, same as always. It's your teammate I'm worried about. Got a hold of her file today and apparently she's an incredible sensor. Like, on the level of genius. So it wouldn't be impossible for her to follow you here." She paused, stormy blue eyes seemingly gazing through him, reading his every reaction and expression as easily as she had her book. "But you probably don't want to hear about her." She observed. "What unfair shit did life throw at you to piss you off this time?"

Sasuke scoffed, taking her vacated seat on the fruit crate and stripping off his shirt. "Make any more of that bruise balm?" He asked in way of response.

"Of course."

They stayed in comfortable silence, the minty aroma of herbal salve filling the makeshift hut.

"I'm so mad." Sasuke eventually muttered.

Yuri said nothing, taking the balm from his hands to put some on his back. She just listened.

Sasuke growled softly to himself, memories of the day's events fanning his ire. "I don't even know where to start. I hate everybody. Roka is an over-emotional freak. Naruto is an idealistic idiot. Kakashi is a biased jerk and that Ryu… he's worse than an asshole."

"An asshole with gonorrhea?" Yuri helpfully supplied.

Sasuke snorted softly at that. "He's got some serious issues." Then a sneer plastered itself back on his face as another aspect of the day resurfaced that pissed him off. "Kakashi teamed Roka and Naruto up against me." He laughed bitterly. "As if the world isn't already against me."

"I'm not against you." Yuri reminded him.

"And he _helped_ them." Sasuke continued. "I heard him giving them the plan as I left. My whole damn team is against me and it's not fair!"

"No, it's not." Yuri agreed. "Which makes me wonder why Kakashi-san did it."

"I asked for a transfer." He told her. "I don't want to work with a team that's basically dead weight! Now, not only are they dead weight, but they're actively holding me back!"

"Huh." Yuri thought out loud. "And Kakashi-san did all this just because you asked to switch teams?" She giggled a little in her head, thinking of Sasuke 'batting for the other team'.

"Yeah." Sasuke answered, unaware of his friend's dirty thoughts. "He said that if I wasn't working with them, I was working against them."

Yuri wiped her hands on a strip of spare bandage and took a seat in front of him. "He kinda has a point." She mused.

"What!" Sasuke shouted angrily.

"Hey, hey, hear me out." Yuri told him, hands up in a placating manner. "You wouldn't want to be on a team with some people much _better_ than you, right?"

Sasuke eventually shook his head.

"And if they suck as much as you think they do, sure, helping them out might feel like a waste of your time but _not_ helping them just leaves them as the dead weights they are. Though," Yuri said thoughtfully, "I'm not entirely sure they are that bad. Roka's file said that she was above average in everything except ninjutsu. I'm guessing she's where you got most of those bruises? There was one on your back that kinda had a weird impression. Wooden sword?"

"Umbrella." Sasuke corrected. Then, to get the topic of conversation off of his humiliating defeat, asked, "So how the hell'd you get your hands on Roka's file?"

Yuri smiled sneakily. "Oh, you know. My biological father got demoted to social work within the clan when my existence came out and brought shame on his head. He's in charge of making sure the SAF kids are all mentally stable and-"

"Hold on," Sasuke interrupted, "you _knew_ Roka was _cripple corps?"_

Yuri shrugged, dirty blond locks just brushing her shoulders. "It's kinda all everybody talks about. If you listen to the right people like I do."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

"I thought you knew." Yuri rolled her eyes at his frown. "Fine. I'll make sure to tell you aaall the gossip I pick up around town… though I assume you only want stuff that's concerning you. If I had to list all the people I know are banging who, or which men fuck my mom-,"

"Okay, okay!" Sasuke interjected.

"-then I'd need a very long piece of paper." Yuri smugly finished.

"That's disgusting." Sasuke deadpanned.

"No, it's blakmail material." She primly corrected.

"You're insufferable."

"You know you love me~!"

Sasuke shrugged. "Sure, but only if you find me that Ryu kid's file. He's blind, looks like he got his eyes torn out."

Yuri gave him a blank stare. "You know- just-," She sighed melodramatically, "leave the manipulative shit to me, honey. I'm way better at it. Though the fact that you

tried means you're learning." She encouraged. Yuri laughed at Sasuke's rolling eyes. "Little pointer there? The fact that you couldn't even say the word 'love' in your attempted emotional bribery clearly showed you were lying. Now, repeat after me: 'I'll love you for all eternity Yuri-hime, if you'd only find me Ryu's file~"

She broke off into giggles at the sound of Sasuke's disgust. "Ugh, stop that. Now you're starting to sound like a fangirl."

She only smiled and batted her lashes. _If only you knew…_

Sasuke grimaced. "Seriously, stop that. It's gross."

Yuri laughed again. "Alright, alright. So you want this guy Ryu's file, right? If he's blind then he'd be in the SID, but I'd still need to narrow it down a bit. You got a family name?"

He shook his head. "Sorry, no."

"Age?"

Sasuke tilted his head and thought for a moment. "He looked older; around fifteen or sixteen I think?"

The both of them startled when someone unexpectedly entered the hideout. Sasuke grabbed a kunai and Yuri put her hands in the clan's signature seal. Purple frizzy hair poked through the door, followed by stony grey eyes.

"Ume?" Yuri asked, dropping her hands. "What are you doing here?"

"Ume? You mean your teammate?" Sasuke hissed incredulously. "And you ask _me_ if _I'm_ being followed?"

"I didn't follow you, I followed the plot bunny." Ume corrected, pointing at an empty space on the ground.

"And how did you get past the genjutsu traps?" He asked warily, by now somewhat used to the girl's strange hallucinations.

The purple pig-tailed girl smiled in response. "Oh it's easy enough to ignore them if you just follow a bunny. Anyway," She continued more seriously, "I just have one question to ask you and then I'll forget all about your secret place. I'll even have Amnesia to birth me a baby plot to merge with and it will be like this never happened."

Sasuke finally lowered his guard glancing sideways at Yuri. It was no doubt the visitor was actually Ume now; not even a henge could copy her particular brand of crazy. Was Sasuke paranoid? Maybe. Were fangirls wily and unpredictable enough to try to impersonate the crazy girl to get close to him? Probably. Would Sasuke defend his one little sanctuary of sanity with the threat of violence? Definitely.

"Go ahead and ask, Ume" Yuri told her teammate, "but Sasuke doesn't have to answer."

Ume nodded sagely. "Okay, but if you don't answer or say no then the bunny will just want to merge with you anyway. I'm trying to act as proxy so the rabbits can get consent, but there are so many of them, and just one me, and very few people will actually talk to me about what they want in life and I guess I could try to get the others who see the rabbits to help as well, but they mostly stay away from them and they don't-,"

"Ume." Sasuke growled. "Get on with it."

She blinked, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, I don't talk to many humans these days." She cleared her throat and picked up an invisible object. "Okay the question is this: would you enact your revenge even at the cost of your title as Clan Heir and Head, possibly losing all semblance to the Uchiha clan as you know it and remembered it, only to be the same in name and blood?" She asked in one long breath, staring deeply into the imaginary object she held in her grasp.

Sasuke gawped at her, once again surprised whenever the girl decided to form coherent sentences that did not involved the words 'plot', 'bunny', or 'rabbit' at all. Then he shut his mouth to consider her question.

"Quickly," Ume encouraged, "this one's getting impatient and no answer means yes to these little critters."

"Yes." Sasuke decided. "I would do anything to get my revenge."

Ume instantly stumbled back, as if the thing in her arms had kicked her aside in favor of jumping to Sasuke, and had he not blinked in that next moment, Sasuke might've seen the world shift, his vision blurring at the edges, changing so fast it was as if it never occurred. But as it happened, Sasuke did blink and when he opened his eyes it was merely to Ume dusting herself off and giving him and Yuri a beaming smile. "Congratulations Sasuke-kun! Your revenge is as good as done." She bit her lip and glanced around the empty room. "Though saying you'd do 'anything' has attracted quite a few more of them…" She looked worriedly at Yuri, "some you may not like." And with that ominous warning, Ume walked out of their little abandoned hut quietly calling out, "Amnesia? Amnesia! I need a baby bunny to forget what just happened!"

Once the purple-head was out of earshot Sasuke turned to his dirty blond friend with a bemused smirk, which for him was like bursting out into laughter. Yuri however, wasn't smiling. At his raised eyebrows she managed a half-assed grin and shook her head. "Being on a team with that girl has made me superstitious." Reaching down she knocked her knuckles on the worn wooden slats of the fruit crate. "Here's to you not doing anything stupid."

Sasuke rolled his eyes with a cocky smile. "Please. Who do you think you're talking to? I don't do stupid."

"I'm talking to Uchiha Sasuke, the boy who'd do anything for revenge, and also my very best friend." Yuri told him seriously.

He scoffed, turning away so she wouldn't see his reddened cheeks and pleased smile. "You're such a sap." He told her, but Sasuke, like Ryu had found company that could lighten any mood.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **So a few new characters in this chapter, we meet Sasuke's friend Yuri, and my personal favorite, Ume! Don't'cha just love her? I'm a fan of cute and crazy. She's like my own personal blend of myself, Luna Lovegood and Gairano Raiku from the fic 'Untold story of the Inconspicuous'. Leave a review to let me know what you think!**

 **P.S.**

 **In case you're a stickler for classifications, I guess this story leans more towards AU than Single-point-divergence since I have more than one OC added to the mix. That said, this is an OC driven story and I'm not gonna be randomly changing the plot because it suits me. Y'know, in case that kinda stuff bothers you.** ** _Peace!_**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time on, Welcome to the MAD House: Leaf blower no jutsu**


	6. Leaf Blower no Jutsu

**Leaf blower no jutsu (3,795 words)**

* * *

Roka winced as she hobbled her way onto the training grounds trying to ignore the scornful looks Sasuke was shooting her. Ryu had really given her the runaround yesterday and totally crushed whatever self-esteem she had gotten from beating up Sasuke.

One of the caretakers, Matsu (or tou-chan as the kids call him) had healed her wounds from the fight. His specialty was dealing with cuts and contusions, as it was a necessary skill for living with hemophilia in a ninja village, (accidents happen, even if you're a civilian) but treating muscle strain and bone bruises was beyond him so Roka's state of discomfort persisted to the next day. She managed the pain with a bit of chakra and concentration, but Roka knew it wouldn't really be a good idea to do anything too strenuous today. She could have waited up for the other caretaker Kenzou, AKA Tou-san to get back from his shift at the hospital, but his brand of care was significantly rougher than tou-chan's. He always got upset at the state Roka returned in after her bouts with Ryusuke and he made that known through less-than gentle healing and disappointed looks. Tou-chan said he just didn't like seeing her get hurt but if that were true Roka didn't understand the need he had to smack her on the back of the head when he was worried. She loved them both though, the two men who'd raised her for the past six years and been around more than her own parents.

"Morning Roka." Naruto yawned blearily. "Sasuke-teme."

Roka waved.

"Hn."

Kakashi was absent.

The members of team seven weren't really morning people apparently.

Two hours later: "Hello, my cute little genin!" Kakashi greeted with a two finger salute.

"You're late!" Naruto shouted accusingly.

"Mah, I was lost on the road of life." Kakashi excused. "Now how about some sparring?"

Roka couldn't help it; she groaned in dismay. "Nooooo…" At Kakashi's raised eyebrow she blushed bright pink (not that anyone could tell) and stammered, "I- I don't mean _no,_ per se- I'm not r- _refusing_ or anything, it's just I…" She trailed off in an embarrassed mumble, "I overdid it yesterday sparring with Ryu."

"You call _attacking him_ a spar?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Sasuke 'hmphed' and crossed his arms. She was obviously feeling well enough to team up on him after that little spat.

"No, not that- I mean after we let out of training." Roka clarified. "He… insisted."

Kakashi sighed. There went his meticulous lesson plan. Granted, the plan was just to have the kids take turns beating each other up while he read and ignored them, but still, now what was he supposed to do with them? Actually teach? Interact with them? Shudder to think.

"I'm sorry sensei." Roka said in a small voice, the annoyance in his chakra causing her to shrink… _Hmm, chakra…_ An idea came to her and Roka hesitantly spoke up, seeing as Kakashi seemed to have no idea what to do with them. "Hey sensei? Do you think you could teach us a jutsu instead? Maybe wind natured since that's Naruto's and my affinity and it would go well with Sasuke's dual lightning fire?"

Kakashi blinked. "How do you know that?"

"Wind strengthens fire, right? Fire beats wind in the cycle of elements-"

"No, how do you know your chakra natures?" their teacher questioned. As far as he knew, chakra paper was too expensive to buy on genin pay and though Sasuke might have been able to get some with his family's estate he doubted the boy was at a point with his teammates where he would even think to share.

"Oh. Ryu is an elemental sensor." Roka explained. "A fact he likes to constantly remind me of." She muttered.

"Huh? But I thought you were a sensor too?" Naruto chimed in. "Wasn't that what you were teaching that deaf kid yesterday? And what're these 'infinity nurtures' you're talking about?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It's element _affinities,_ and chakra _natures,_ dobe."

Before Naruto could rise to the taunt, Roka cut in. "I am a sensor Naruto, but not the kind that can tell what elemental jutsu a person is more suited to. That's very rare. What I can do is a lot less useful in battle."

"Ooh~" Naruto nodded in understanding. Then he turned excitedly to their sensei. "So does that mean you're gonna teach us some super awesome jutsu?"

"Well…" Kakashi contemplated, looking away from three sets of puppy eyes executed with various levels of success. "Elemental ninjutsu might be a bit advanced for you three. But maybe a d-rank jutsu like the shunshin-,"

"I already know the shunshin." Roka protested.

"Can you use it in combat?" Kakashi asked condescendingly.

She blinked. "Sensei, no one but Shunshin no Shisui ever used it in combat. It takes too much forethought and concentration."

Kakashi sighed. He didn't think she'd know that. Damn.

"Please teach us a wind jutsu!" Roka begged. "Ryu only lets me use my worst skills when I fight against him and he already knows two fire jutsu and an earth jutsu."

"How about this," Kakashi proposed, "I'll teach the three of you a wind jutsu if you, Roka-chan, will coach the boys in chakra sensing and teach them the shunshin."

"Chakra sensing?" Roka asked, tilting her head to the side. "Why would they need that if they've got me?"

He shrugged. "As much as I hate to admit it, you three won't always be together. You might have to spit up on missions and once you're chunin the team might have to be dissolved. It's a useful skill that could save their lives, don't you think?"

"I guess." Roka hedged. She bit her lip. What was to say that as soon as her teammates learned enough of her best skill they would 'dissolve' the team and reform without her? No, she reasoned, unless they were born sensors like her, it would years of hard work to be able to sense a person's location by chakra alone, much less identify their signature. She would have time to make herself indispensible to the team before then. "All right." Roka agreed. "But you'll have to bring in some high quality earplugs and blindfolds and I'm not up to teaching them shunshin right now."

"So teach us a jutsu." Sasuke demanded.

Roka made a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'sensei' but when Sasuke ignored her hint to improve his manners she continued in a normal voice, adding her own "please."

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered.

"Oh, all right." Kakashi sighed. Straightening from his habitual slouch he gave the genin an imposing look. "Now pay attention. I copied this jutsu from a rogue Sand ninja a while back."

The three watched intently as their teacher demonstrated the hand signs. Roka flinched as his chakra built and surged-

"I call this-!" Kakashi yelled, striking the ground with his palm, "Leaf blower no jutsu!"

A single leaf stirred in the artificial wind and rolled over.

"That's it!?" Naruto shouted.

Sasuke gave their teacher a skeptical look. " _Leaf blower_ no jutsu?"

Kakashi eye-smiled and rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish look. "Mah, I'm sure it has a different name in Suna, but as all I ever really use it for is to clear campsites of debris, that's what I call it."

"That's so lame!" Naruto complained. Why can't you teach us a more useful jutsu that we can actually use to fight with and stuff?"

Roka was frowning. "How come you built up all that chakra and only let out a little bit?" She asked.

"Dramatic effect." Kakashi smirked. "If I'd used all that chakra then the blast would have knocked you all off your feet." He flashed his students the victory sign. "Bye-bye!" Then he poofed out of existence.

The three shared a look at their sensei's sudden departure then Naruto jumped up and whooped. "All right! So it's a super powerful jutsu after all!" He eagerly but carefully performed the hand seals and turned his palm to the ground. Nothing happened. "Huh?" Naruto tried again. "I don't get it!" He loudly pronounced after a few more tries.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Tch. Dobe. Did you even remember to channel chakra?" Naruto's indignant spluttering proved that he didn't.

"Well if you're so smart why don't you do it?" Naruto challenged.

"Fine. I will." Sasuke tried next. His hand signs were much faster than Naruto's to his smug satisfaction. Then he confidently pointed his hand to the ground and directed chakra to his palm. Nothing happened for a few seconds. Then his fingers began to twitch and his palm felt hot. Sasuke frowned and tried more chakra only for the spasms to travel up his arm and the heat to increase. With a grimace Sasuke grabbed his wrist to hold it steady, pouring more chakra into his limb and ignoring the pain.

"Sasuke stop!" Roka cried.

With a jolt Sasuke ceased molding chakra and realized his hand had started to turn pink.

Roka let out a sigh of relief. "I think since wind is not your natural affinity you were defaulting to lighting which caused the twitching and fire which caused the heat." She bit her lip. "I think we should continue to take turns trying it so that we can keep an eye on each other and no one gets hurt. We'll act as each other's spotters right?"

Naruto nodded in agreement and Sasuke crossed his arms, totally not blushing at all.

Roka formed the hand signs and sent chakra to her hand. Nothing visibly changed. Bringing her hand closer to the ground she managed to move a few blades of grass. She shrugged. "I think I got a tiny puff?"

"My turn! My turn!" Naruto yelled. He made the signs and focused his energy-

Roka's eyes widened, "Naruto that's-!"

"Leaf blower no jutsu!" A huge gust of wind rocketed out of Naruto's hand, sending him skidding backwards and chunks of dirt to fly into his teammate's eyes.

"-too much chakra." Roka finished.

Naruto was too busy celebrating his success to pay any attention to his coughing teammates or the dozens of tiny cuts now lining his palm. By the time he tried again they would be healed. Sasuke huffed in annoyance and tried again, stopping each time his hands heated up or he felt a twitch.

"Um… Sasuke?" He didn't bother to look up as Roka tentatively tried to get his attention and Naruto continued to dace further off. Undeterred Roka continued. "I don't know how much chakra theory they teach you in the General Academy… so it might help to know that fire nature chakra is actually a misnomer for heat… and both heat and electricity like to travel along and stay within materials that are conductive to it. So heat and electricity are some of the hardest elements to channel outside of the body. I think there's something about chakra in the breath that makes the Grand Fireball work and why you don't see people shooting fire out of their hands all that often… or at all. Wind on the other hand always _wants_ to escape."

Sasuke didn't give any indication that he was listening at all and Roka sighed. It also didn't look like he was going to stop any time soon and let Roka have a try. "Naruto!" Said blond bounded over, face still lit from his achievement. "Could you watch Sasuke and I since you've already gotten it?"

Naruto pouted. "Awe, but now I wanna try doing it with both hands! Can't I just have some clones watch you?"

Roka blinked. "Huh. I didn't think of that."

The three of them continued to practice, Naruto eventually being expelled to the other side of the training ground for stirring up too much dust. He found he could only do short explosive bursts and at Roka's suggestion worked on making a continual stream. Roka herself was having varying levels of success. She could perform the jutsu, but anything more than a breeze made phantom tingles run along her arm and she had to stop for fear of damaging her chakra coils. Tou-san always fretted and worried over her chakra use, constantly warning her not to over do it. Born chakra sensors of her caliber sometimes exhibited health issues such as weak and sensitive coils or tenketsu prone to rupture. Considering the sickly state Roka had been in when she arrived to Konoha, he assumed she was one of those cases. Because of that, Kenzou always warned her not to quickly channel large amounts of chakra. Annoyingly that seemed to be a requisite to make this jutsu at all useful. At least Sasuke still wasn't getting anything at all. Another blast of angry uncontrolled chakra emanating from her dark teammate could attest to that.

Roka flinched. "Do you and Naruto want to go somewhere less flammable and practice joining your wind and fire?" She suggested when she couldn't take the oppressive frustration leaking out of Sasuke's chakra anymore.

"No."

Roka swallowed and tried to discretely edge further off.

Beginning to feel frustrated with her own slow progress, Roka took a seat and started playing with the grass. There had to be some way to make a stronger wind without using so much chakra… maybe if she used both hands like Naruto then spreading it over two surfaces would cut down on the risks. It did double the amount of wind she could safely produce, but it still wasn't much. Roka laid back in aggravation. Wind was her nature! This should be easy for her but once again her stupid sensitivity got in the way. At this rate she'd never beat Ryu! There had to be a way. What if she had a fan? No, then she wouldn't be able to make the hand signs. What if she moved her hand like a fan? Feeling slightly foolish Roka experimented with doing the jutsu while waving her hands about in different ways. Getting bored she put her hands together and pushed wind out of them simultaneously. The force that pushed her hands apart was surprisingly strong. Huh. This time Roka kept her hands about a foot apart and slowly inched them together. It got harder and harder the closer her hands became. What if she set the air streams diagonal to each other?

Roka experimented a while longer until her continual dual jutsu use began to get tiring. Her chakra hadn't fully recovered since her fight with Ryu and she was nearing the end of her reserves. Looking up Roka found the Naruto clone delegated to watch her and Sasuke had fallen asleep. Judging by the livid look on Sasuke's face he hadn't had any progress with the jutsu, but both his arms looked to be intact so that was a plus. A sudden high-pitched screech had everyone flinching and Roka reaching for a kunai.

"Sasuke-kuuuun!" At the edge of the training grounds a pink haired girl in a red cheongsam came running towards them.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto and his suddenly awake clone shouted in glee. "I got a super cool new jutsu that Sasuke can't even perform yet! Wanna see?"

Two more boys appeared, following behind Sakura. She ignored them and Naruto's remark and basically anyone who wasn't Sasuke, running up to him and proceeding to talk his ear off trying to get him to go out with her for lunch. Looking rather put off; Naruto went to interrupt when one of the boys caught his elbow. Wearing a grey top and a pony tail, he had a rather hopeful look on his face. "Naruto-kun! You know that prank you pulled that made the teacher's notebook spin whenever he sat down? Do you think you could teach me? I have this new invention that but I can't figure out how to correlate the pressure plate to rotational motion. Actually could you teach me all of your pranks? Some of the feats of mechanical engineering you've come up with are genius!"

"Uh…" Naruto muttered, taken aback by the praise. Then he straightened, puffing up his chest. "No way! I'm not going to teach the secrets of my super awesome pranking skills to some klutz like you, Tobio! You're the one who made me kiss Sasuke-teme and then all the girls beat me up."

 _What?_ Roka loosened an earmuff. Did she hear that right?

Tobio's eyes widened. "But that was an accident! Please? I swear I'll make it up to you!"

Meanwhile the other boy had snuck up on Sakura as she talked to Sasuke. When he was right behind her he took a handful of her hair and tugged.

"Ow!" Sakura yelled. "What was that for Bunta-baka?"

"You should cut it." He only remarked with a smirk. "If I can pull it then so can an enemy ninja."

"For the last time, I'm not cutting my hair, so stop telling me to." She huffed.

Sasuke had decided to stalk off during this exchange but didn't manage to get far before Sakura noticed and made chase.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Seeing Sakura leaving, Naruto scrambled after. "Sakura-chan, wait up!"

"Naruto-kun, will you please teach me?" Tobio asked hot on his heels.

Bunta and Roka were left blinking in the dust of their hastily departing teammates. Bunta gave her a once over. In the sudden silence left in the wake of the other genin, Roka felt herself shiver under his casual perusal. "Nice combat goggles." He eventually commented. A moment of awkward silence later Bunta shrugged, gave a little wave and walked off.

And then there was one.

Roka sighed and lay down for a much needed nap.

* * *

Sasuke hid behind the outermost genjutsu surrounding the hideout and sighed in relief as he watched Sakura and the Entourage Of Idiots pass by, oblivious to where he'd gone. Now all he had to do was wait for them to get far enough away that he could leave and eat lunch in peace. As he waited, Sasuke stared down at his hands with a scowl. Why couldn't he get that jutsu? Even the dobe and the cripple had gotten it before him.

"Sasuke?" Black eyes snapped up to see Yuri staring curiously at him. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

He huffed and unclenched his fists. "People were bothering me."

She nodded. "Right." So he was hiding. Without another word Yuri sat down and started unpacking her lunch. She looked up at him, eyebrows raised as invitation.

Sasuke rolled his eyes but acquiesced, taking a seat on the ground next to her and the extra pair of chopsticks Yuri offered. The two ate in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts. Yuri could tell by the grumpy pouting set to his lips that Sasuke's ego needed stroking. The question was, why? He didn't look injured; she'd taken catalogue of his body and how he held himself as soon as Yuri saw Sasuke at the hideout. So if he wasn't beaten in a spar then that meant that he was having difficulty with a technique.

"Genjutsu or Ninjutsu?" Yuri asked once she'd swallowed her mouthful.

Sasuke gave her a raised eyebrow at the non sequitur.

"You're frustrated." She stated and held up a hand before he could deny it. "Your Taijutsu is amazing and your Bukijutsu is flawless to the point where your sensei would have no reason to supplement those skills." Yuri paused to make sure he heard her, only slightly more than truthful, compliments. "So is it a Genjutsu or Ninjutsu that you made the horribly incompetent blunder of not mastering on your first try?"

Sasuke had the decency to blush at the accuracy of Yuri's assessment. She knew him so well. "It's a wind jutsu." He told her.

"Wind? You're wind natured?" Yuri asked in surprise.

Sasuke sighed. "I'm not. But Roka and Naruto are so Kakashi showed us all a wind jutsu."

"That's so strange." Yuri mused. "Roka's file said she was originally from Wave and their nature is usually water. And Naruto is a native so it would make more sense for him to have fire or earth affinities. I wonder who his parents were. Immigrants maybe?"

"Native or not he definitely has wind nature." Sasuke grumbled. "Naruto got the jutsu on his first damned try."

Yuri gave his a dubious look. "Really?"

"Well second technically."

She gave him a knowing smirk. "You sell yourself short, Sasuke. You achieved the Grand Fireball on your _first_ try."

Sasuke scowled.

 _Why did I think you'd be like Itachi?_ His father's disappointed reaction to his measly first attempt played through his mind. Clenching his fists Sasuke nearly snapped his chopsticks before Yuri gently pried them from his grasp. She frowned, unsure what she'd said wrong. That jutsu was essential to the Uchiha, so a triggering memory perhaps?

Eventually Sasuke explained. "My first try was pathetic. When Naruto tried it… the blast was so _powerful._ "

Averting her contemplative stare, Yuri playfully rolled her eyes. "A crowbar to the back of the head is powerful but it means nothing if you're heard before you get there. He's all chakra and no skill. Don't try to compare yourself to that idiot."

"I guess." Sasuke muttered.

Yuri hid her frown with a practiced smile. "Come on, don't tell me you want to be like Naruto? Are you going to start wearing orange now? Or am I going to have to start calling you future Hokage-sama?"

Finally a hint of a smirk reached his lips and Yuri grinned in accomplishment. The look slowly died though as she thought back to her own hectic morning.

"What's wrong?" Sasuke asked.

Yuri blinked and was quick to plaster on a smile that Sasuke saw right through. "It's nothing, just-," She sighed, relenting with Sasuke's disbelieving stare. "My teammate got in trouble with the his clan and as punishment was forbidden to participate in the upcoming chunin exams. That of course means that I won't be able to participate either because entry requires a full team."

"Damn." Sasuke summed up what Yuri was feeling.

"Yeah. Damn." She agreed.

"What did he do?"

Yuri snorted. "He confessed his love for Hyuuga-san. Murakumo is such a fanboy. 'Course the Kurama elders weren't so pleased to find out their bright young branch member was gay and crushing on the Hyuuga's bright young branch member. They're a dying clan after all; need to make sure everyone does their part in producing the next generation."

"Hm" Sasuke agreed. The two of them sat in silence after that. Sasuke wasn't so good at emotional platitudes, not the way Yuri was. So he didn't say anything to assuage his friend's disappointment. He just sat with her. Yuri appreciated it none the less.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Not much happening in this chapter, but I promise there are important bits that will be touched back upon later. Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review!**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time on, Welcome to the MAD House: Painting a Story**


	7. Painting a Story

**Chapter 6: Paint (3,032 words)**

* * *

Roka soon recovered from her fight with Ryu and once she'd taught the two the basics of the Body Flicker as promised, the team resumed the pattern of training in two-on-one spars.

"Think fast~!" Roka taunted, grinning as she smacked her umbrella into the side of Sasuke's knees, just as he was turning to the left. Her auditory genjutsu made it so that Sasuke registered sounds coming from a different direction than they actually were and under the cover of Naruto's homemade smoke bombs and the grey clothes he and Roka wore to blend in, Sasuke was completely disoriented. Naruto and Roka on the other hand were fine: Roka had her chakra sense and Naruto made sure to hit Sasuke with glow paint before deploying the smoke bombs, effectively making him a beacon in the mist.

"Gotcha now, Teme!" Naruto chorused from all his different shadow clones. Sasuke growled in frustration, literally spitting flames in his anger. "Great Fireball Jutsu!" He breathed fire in a random direction. The sound of clones dispersing filled the air and Naruto shouted in dismay.

"Well they say where there's smoke there's fire." Roka muttered dryly. Taking a moment to catch her breath, Roka 'watched' the goings on with her chakra sense; Naruto spamming Sasuke with clones in a dog pile style taijutsu match. She was having the most fun she'd had in ages. Roka couldn't even remember the last time she'd smiled so much. It was _so_ nice to blind her opponent and use auditory genjutsu on someone who wasn't also a sensor like her and Ryu. Heck, it was just nice to be fighting _with_ someone and _winning._ Her moment of revelry cost her as Sasuke spotted her purple umbrella through the smoke; the only thing on her person currently not grey, and flung a brace of shuriken in her direction. She opened it in time to use as a shield but missed the one Sasuke sent curving behind her. She didn't fail to notice the zing of ninja wire as it began to wrap around her though and dropped her umbrella to hang by her wrist, completing the hand signs for substitution. "Sorry Naruto clone" She quietly apologized, the sound of a squawk of surprise and poof of dispersion signaling the clone she traded places with had been caught. Her hasty jutsu use disrupted her concentration and a newly formed clone's accidental elbow caused her to cry out in pain, tears prickling in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Roka!" The clone exclaimed, "I didn't see you there! Though I guess that's kinda the point,"

" _Shh_!" Roka hissed at him through clenched teeth, "The auditory genjutsu would have dispelled when I hit him." She took a breath and centered herself, concentrating and let the pain drain away. She was glad she did, when a flare of chakra signaled the use of a shunshin and the next moment Sasuke's fist slammed into her jaw. The force of the blow knocked her off her feet and she instinctively grabbed his wrist to pull him down with her. She'd have to ask Kakashi-sensei how to get around the fact that pain dispelled most genjutsu later. Now she was occupied with turning her weight so that she fell on top of Sasuke and not the other way around. It was a move he wasn't familiar with and so Sasuke easily succumbed to it, landing roughly on his side with Roka soon to follow. Recovering from the fall ridiculously fast, Roka quickly rolled to straddle him and jam the tip of her umbrella under his chin. "We win." She declared.

Smiling, Roka pulled her umbrella back and began rapidly opening and closing it to dissipate the smoke. It did with the help of many Naruto clones waving their shirts and blowing obnoxiously, and Roka's umbrella flapping surprisingly worked somewhat. The haze slowly lifted and visibility increased just enough for Sasuke to realize Roka was still sitting on his lap and pumping her umbrella.

"G-get off! You look ridiculous!" He growled, shoving her away from him so she wouldn't see his blush. God, Yuri was a bad influence on him, she was turning him into a pervert! _No, I'm just embarrassed that I lost._ Sasuke told himself, flinching because it was also true.

Roka's triumphant smile fell at his words. Why did it always come back to what she looked like? Why didn't he comment on the fact that she had beaten him, instead of what she _looked like?_ Was she really that disgusting that it was the only thing people could think about? Tears welled in her eyes again but this time the pain wasn't physical. "Ridiculous." She echoed hollowly.

A strong gust of wind from Naruto cleared the rest of the smoke, making Sasuke scowl at how easy he made it look. "Hey, hey Roka!" Naruto chimed, bouncing up to her. "That was awesome! Our plan totally worked out! We make a really great team, don't you think? We don't even need Sasuke-teme. I mean _maybe_ he can join us but only if he acknowledges how amazingly awesome we are. You hear that Teme? Admit we're great and you can join us!"

Sasuke scoffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "As if I'd want to join you losers."

Roka hung her head, but Naruto was not deterred. "Hah! _You're_ the _loser!_ You know why? Because you _lost!_ You even look like a loser! You're still covered in my special Naruto brand permanent glow paint! You look ridiculous!" Naruto burst out into guffaws at the sight of Sasuke's scowl and Roka quirked a little smile.

"Yeah," She quietly added. " _You_ look ridiculous."

* * *

Four years ago, Yamanaka Yuri sat perched in a tree, quietly spying her prey.

The six-year-old Yuri didn't exactly like boys, thinking them to be terribly simple-minded creatures, but she knew that this was her window of opportunity to make connections to possible husbands. Shinobi, notorious for their trust issues, often maintained their closest bonds with those they'd known for a long time, bonds usually formed in early childhood from a group of parent approved playmates. This was how clan alliances like the famously close-knit Ino-shika-cho team could be passed on through generations. And Shinobi, unlike civilians, tended to marry their close friends. The thinking was that someone you knew and fought along side of since childhood was most likely more trustworthy than some wildfire romance that you met in your late teens or early adulthood. That just screamed "CAUTION, BEWARE ULTERIOR MOTIVE! POSSIBLE MANIPULATIVE SPY!" to those of the shinobi mindset. Yuri didn't know if that was just a self fulfilling prophecy or not, but she'd be damned if she ruined her future self's options for marriage and escape from the clan just because right now she thought boys were icky. So, like anything she set her mind to, Yuri became a master at the fine art of, what the dumb boys at school so crudely dubbed, 'fangirling'.

Most boys were surprisingly easy to befriend; just playfight with them a few times, impress them with something 'cool' or 'gross' that you can do, and don't be a wimp. Unlike some other girls, Yuri didn't mind playing on their level and being seen as 'one of the guys'. After all, at this stage, most boys thought girls were just as icky as she thought they were, so being girly wouldn't work to get close to them. She was fine just being their friend. Romance could come later.

Naruto was depressingly easy to get close to. The hard part was convincing him that you were NOT "best-best-super-best-buddies-friends-forever!"- just because you smiled at him. Yuri had a feeling Naruto would go far, but for now his clinginess would only scare away other potential friends, so she kept their contact at a minimum. Plus, she knew that with his desperate need for friends and exceptionally friendly personality, Naruto was always someone she could pick back up if he seemed to be going somewhere.

Some boys weren't so easy as Naruto though, and those were the ones that Yuri found most interesting. They were usually from the Noble dojutsu wielding clans, as well as some Aburame. The Aburame were hard to get close to for their aloof and inscrutable personality, rather than because of the general rule that the more fangirls a boy has, the harder it is for a girl to get near. Aburame weren't very popular, so their problem wasn't fangirl trauma and chronic fear of girls. Uchiha and Hyuuga though, everyone wanted a piece of them. Whether it was their arrogance, tendency towards genius and prodigious talent, political power or attractiveness, boys from those clans were always the most popular.

Yuri was doubtful of the lauded Uchiha looks however. Hyuuga were definitely known for being pretty, but Yuri had seen some gnarly-looking police officers. The Uchiha heirs, Itachi and Sasuke, had apparently gotten their good looks from their mother Mikoto, or so Yuri's mother had said. She told her that Fugaku was one of her clients when his wife was on a mission and that he had a face that looked like a grumpy cat. Yuri had giggled at that, thinking that Sasuke must get most of his expressions from his father then.

Yuri had briefly considered the byakugan genius of their generation, Hyuuga Neji as a possible husband target, but dismissed the idea almost immediately. He was two grades above her and three years older, meaning friendship would be difficult to achieve in the academy. Besides that, from her observations, Yuri saw that his personality left something to be desired and everyone knew his clan's politics were atrocious. She wanted out of the Yamanaka but she didn't want it _that_ badly. Plus, Yuri wanted out for her mother's sake too, and she had doubts that the Hyuuga would treat her mother any better than the Yamanaka did.

In the end, Yuri decided on Uchiha Sasuke for a few reasons. One, she liked a challenge. Sasuke's frequent harassment by fans left him wary of all girls in general and his status as second heir taught him to be wary of what others might want to get out of him.

Two, his family's connection to the police force could prove useful in the future. It would have to be carefully planned so that her mother wouldn't get in trouble, but someday Yuri hoped to use her connections to the Uchiha clan to bust her Mother's abusive pimp and give him what he deserved.

Lastly, the Uchiha were notorious jutsu whores. Their dojutsu was built for copying for goodness sake! The Yamanaka (like some other clans) had joined the village only on the condition that the Uchiha would not steal their secret techniques. It wasn't considered stealing though if the Uchiha were simply being taught by a loving spouse. Simply put, it was in the Uchiha's best interest to marry outside of the clan, and that was an advantage however slight. Yuri liked the thought of any advantage she could hold over her future husband.

All this work did not mean that Yuri neglected building up her female friend bank. No, girls were so much harder but so much more satisfying! Yuri knew not to make herself threatening to the queen bee, but also not let herself become a lackey. She had to remain friends with individuals instead of cementing a place in the group so that she did not get misplaced during a regime change. It helped that having joined the academy early Yuri was a year younger than her classmates. She was just separate enough that everyone thought they were her special friend: the _only_ one who the young girl could talk to.

Girls were fickle, insecure and ruthless, and oh so much more fun! Yuri loved playing the game, making herself indispensible, the trusted confidante, the crutch. It was so satisfying to hold the weight of others while knowing that at any moment you had the power to let them fall.

From her vantage point in her tree, Yuri spotted one of her friends from class approach down below. Both she and her target reflexively stiffened at the excited call of, "Sasuke-sempai!" And Yuri had to hold herself back from jumping down and interfering. This was, after all, her dedicated 'observation period' to deem possible threat levels to her chosen catch and interrupting this encounter wouldn't yield her any new information.

Down below, an eight-year-old Sasuke stood unaware of the silent observer from above. He was more concerned about the threat looming up behind him, and whether he should turn and face it or run like hell. _No, Uchiha's don't run from girls._ He chastised himself. _What would Aniki do?_ Steeling himself for whatever he was about to face, Sasuke turned around, only to be greeted by the pudgy smiling face of- "Ume-san." –the purple-haired lunatic from the grade below. Sasuke began to feel a cold sweat trickle down his neck. _Oh, no. Don't tell me_ she's _a fangirl too now!?_

Shisui had once told Sasuke that, _"They say never to stick it in crazy Sasu-chan,"_ And though Sasuke had no idea what that meant and Shisui's advice had been followed by the disclaimer- _"but all kunoichi- and shinobi, are totally nuts anyway, so if you ever want to get laid you're gonna have to ignore that,"_ –Sasuke was sure they were wise words to live by since Shisui had said it and Shisui was Aniki's best friend. (He was also dead as of last night, but Sasuke wouldn't find that out until later.)

Unaware and entirely oblivious to the older boy's growing panic, Ume beamed at him. "You know my name!" She happily exclaimed. Then, looking around, Ume stared fascinated at the hoards of rabbits that only she could see, swarming Sasuke like a plague of locusts. They were black and shiny like an oil-slick, with glowing, blank, white eyes like holes into oblivion. She thought they were adorable. "You have a looot of bunnies, Sasuke-sempai!" Ume proclaimed. "Can I hold one?"

The second Uchiha heir blinked in surprise and then again, slower in relief. Of course, how could he forget? Usamoto Ume had no interest in boys whatsoever, much to the confusion of many of her female peers, and instead only cared for the invisible creatures only she could see. Then Sasuke realized she had asked a question and hastily replied, "Um, sure?" He immediately chastised himself for sounding like a sissy. "Yeah, whatever." He corrected his tone to sound more dignified, read: arrogant. But Ume didn't seem to mind as she eagerly bent down to scoop up her imaginary friend.

"They're so pretty and black!" She cooed. "I've only ever seen two of these type before my parents died."

Sasuke opened his mouth to say some awkward apology but Ume steamrolled on, clueless. It was probably for the best, Sasuke didn't even know what he had been planning to say. What _do_ you say when someone just drops that so casually into a conversation?

"You only had one the other day so I guess it's really true what they say about rabbits multiplying."

Sasuke was still so thrown off by Ume's casual comment about being an orphan that he asked, "Rabbits do math?" Only to flush bright red at Ume's following laughter.

Ume suddenly thrust her arms out towards him. "Here! Do you want to hold it?"

"S-sure." Sasuke muttered, blushing at his stutter. Uchiha didn't stutter, damn it! He bet his Aniki never stuttered in his life.

Seeing the pout forming on his lips, Ume assumed he didn't know how to hold a bunny. So, readjusting the rabbit in her grasp, the seven-year-old positioned Sasuke's hands for him, gently distributing the oily black rabbit into his arms.

Meanwhile, Yuri watched the proceedings with a detached, analytical eye. Cataloging expressions and reactions the way a farmer harvested rice: efficiently, for the best viable yield. Her classmate didn't seem interested in Sasuke, only the 'bunnies' that apparently surrounded him, and Sasuke was supremely uncomfortable in her presence even though he did an adequate job of hiding it. All in all, Yuri deemed Ume to be a 2-level threat, demoted to 1-level if and when the bunnies ever left him. Yuri was confidant in her abilities. (She wasn't a bastard Yamanaka and daughter of Konoha's most popular prostitute and for nothing.)

The Uchiha massacre that happened days later threw a wrench in Yuri's carefully laid plans, but being the smart and clever girl she was, Yuri skillfully rearranged her tactics and made her move. The Uchiha clan with it's historical political power was still better than the Yamanaka, even if it now only officially consisted of one. Especially since it consisted of one. Once she married Sasuke, there'd be only one person to control to get what she wanted.

And in the present moment, all Yamanaka Yuri wanted was to take a picture forever memorializing the hilarious sight of Sasuke covered in neon glow paint. "Oh come on!" She pleaded. "Here, you can even put some on me too and we'll take a picture together!"

"No." Sasuke repeated for the hundredth time.

"Please?" Yuri begged, "You really don't look that bad."

"Then why do you want to take a damn picture?" He asked. "It's not because I look _good."_

"How do you know?" She snootily retorted. "Maybe I have a paint fetish that I never told you about. _Kidding!"_ Yuri hastily added at the sight of Sasuke's horrified look. "Joke! Kidding! Funny ha, ha!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Duh, it's not like I actually thought you did."

Yuri hid her own eye-roll because she _totally_ believed him. Not. "Anyway, we should take a picture for _memory's_ sake." She cajoled. "Aren't you going to want to have pictures like this so your future kids don't grow up with complexes having to live up to their dad who they think is perfect?"

"I _am_ perfect." Sasuke haughtily joked.

Yuri grinned. "Of course you are, but it's good to give off the impression that you're not so you seem more relatable and people don't feel threatened."

He gave a long-suffering sigh. "And you think taking a picture of me looking like this will do that?"

She nodded. "Mm-Hm! And I bet your future kids will even think it's really cool! Trust me, you'll thank me later."

"I highly doubt that."

Yuri smiled faux apologetically, the way she did whenever she was about to bring out the big guns to get what she wanted. "Oh well, I guess you don't really want me to find that Ryu kid's file for you. That's fine."

Sasuke sighed again, completely aware that he'd been had and she would most certainly make due on that threat. "Fine, Yuri. Take the damn picture."

Grinning ear to ear, Yuri wasted no time turning the camera around and gleefully taking a selfie with the color-covered Uchiha.

* * *

 **Notes: Hmm, so we're learning a bit more about Yuri and Ume. What do you think about their characters? Do you like them? Hate them? Tell me what you think in a review!**

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time on, Welcome to the MAD House: Sensory Training**


	8. Sensory Training

**Chapter 7: Sensory Training (1,851 words)**

* * *

Sasuke was sulking, Kakashi noted absently.

Though the littlest Uchiha had shown the initiative of a leader and potential aptitude for teamwork in the bell test by giving his food to Naruto, perhaps in hindsight that was more arrogance in his ability not to get caught and desire to keep his teammate from being a burden. And now that Sasuke was absolutely convinced that both his teammates _were_ a burden… Well who knows? Kakashi had done all that he could, or rather, all that he was willing to do: ignore Sasuke more than he ignored the others until the brat gave in.

Kakashi currently sat comfortably in a tree, nose buried between the pages of his beloved book as Roka attempted to teach Naruto chakra sensing through some modified version of Marco-Polo, in which they each took turns pulsing their chakra and Naruto tried finding Roka while wearing a blindfold and earmuffs. Kakashi smirked, remembering Sasuke's petulant demand of _'why does the dobe get to go first?'_ After so many days of mindless d-ranks and getting teamed up on by Naruto and Roka, Sasuke was no doubt eager to start what he'd consider 'real training'. But Kakashi had calmly replied that historically, Uzumaki were good chakra sensors- the Uchiha less so because of their reliance on their eyes. Something had flashed across Sasuke's face at that, a thought perhaps, and he wondered if it had anything to do with something Ryu said in his confrontation of the Uchiha a while ago. Anyway, Kakashi was just a little relieved that whatever it was Sasuke was brooding on had kept him from asking why Kakashi only brought one set of blindfold and earmuffs. He told Sasuke that he could only get his turn once Naruto had learned some of the skill, hoping that his impatience would persuade him to help his teammate out.

Kakashi sighed wistfully. Manipulating children was fun and all, but he longed for the distraction of the chase, to escape behind a bone-white mask. He missed his days as nothing but a faceless shadow in ANBU. He'd spent so long in the black-ops that Kakashi felt a bit naked without his Inu-taicho-persona. His book was a nice barrier between himself and the world, but he couldn't have it out _all_ the time. Just one fabric mask wasn't enough anymore. Maybe he should start wearing two…

Kakashi snapped out of his musings as he felt Sasuke's chakra flash in annoyance below him. Naruto's head turned in his direction, a subtle frown of concentration marring his usually cheerful face. Roka flared her chakra loudly in the exact opposite direction and Naruto whirled around again. Frustrated, he shouted, "Gah! I'll get you Roka! _Shadow clone Jutsu!_ " In a puff of smoke, three clones stood before him. "Now where is she?" Naruto asked.

"Straight ahead boss!" Clone number one told him.

"And teme's at your back." Said clone number two.

Naruto paused, "…Hello?" he eventually called. "You guys there?"

Kakashi watched bemused as Naruto's clones tried yelling loud enough to be heard past the earmuffs and Naruto's frustrated assumption that the jutsu didn't work.

" _Ahh!_ Shadow clone jutsu! _Shadow clone jutsu!"_ Naruto shouted again and again, causing more and more clones to appear in the field. Some of them, Kakashi noted in amazement, even had their own cloned earmuffs and blindfolds, and he wondered if Naruto was even consciously doing that.

"Oh for the love of Ichiraku Ramen!" One of them shouted, grabbing for Naruto's hand. "They're right over there!"

Naruto however screeched at the unexpected touch and lashed out with a sloppy kick that his clone dodged easily. "I'm only trying to help you, man, no need to get defensive." The clone sniffed. It backed away from Naruto's frenzied jabs, bumping into another clone in the process. "Oh, Sorry-,"

"Watch where you're going!" The other clone snapped back.

"Well excuuuuse me!"

Then one of Naruto's random flailing limbs managed to whap a clone in the face and everything devolved into a brawl. Roka watched Naruto proceed to beat himself up for a few seconds until eventually she just shrugged and joined the fray, pulsing her chakra every now and then to confuse the blindfolded Narutos. Sasuke, eager for an escape from his boredom ran in too. It was a free-for-all and Kakashi was very entertained.

An hour and a half later, both his unimpaired students looked exhausted and sweaty, while the very last Naruto was very banged up and bruised from all the hits he had given himself but looked much less winded than his teammates. His lips pressed together in concentration and with a sudden burst of speed he threw himself at Sasuke and Roka. Sasuke dodged back, Roka went on the offensive. She launched at Naruto's feet in an unusual attempt to bowl him over. Ninja typically weren't very fond of grappling for some reason, but this Kunoichi seemed to know her way around it, and would have successfully knocked her teammate over had he not dodged out of the way just in time. Kakashi smiled to himself. It seemed this training exercise had been a success, and he didn't even have to lift a finger. Naruto learned best in battle it seemed, and it gave the others some exercise and experience in melee type fights as well. His smile faded however when he saw that Roka didn't get up from where she had fallen in her failed attempt to tackle Naruto. With quivering slowness she pulled her arms back toward her body as Naruto and Sasuke traded blows further off. Sasuke was clearly winning, raining tired hits on the temporarily blind and deaf boy, but that wasn't what Kakashi was concerned about. Pocketing his book, Kakashi hopped out of his tree and slowly walked over to his team's kunoichi, face still planted in the dirt. Her hands were pinned underneath her and her arms shook as she tried to push herself up.

"Need help?" He asked awkwardly, knowing that though she probably couldn't see him from her position of face on the ground, she'd definitely be able to sense him.

" _No."_ was her vehement response. It sounded like it was said through gritted teeth. Kakashi stared at her for a moment, then shrugged and turned back to the boys' fight. "You don't have to feel bad about collapsing, you know. Lasting ninety minutes straight in a taijutsu based melee fight is almost unheard of for a genin."

"Don't _patronize_ me!" Roka muttered angrily, and to his surprise, heaved herself over with one smooth motion and flopped onto her back. Kakashi stared down incredulously at the girl panting on the ground. He wasn't being patronizing, that was true! He couldn't glean anything from her features, her face entirely obscured by the mask, goggles, forehead protector combo. It was quite unnerving and Kakashi wondered if this is what people felt like when looking at him. Lying on the ground he didn't have much body language to go on either, other than utterly exhausted. His attention was taken by a loud groan emanating from Naruto a few yards away.

" _Owwwww!_ " He now lay face down in the dirt as Roka had been just a few moments ago. Sasuke stood over him, wobbling on his feet, a tiny triumphant smirk gracing his sweaty face. With a stifled moan of her own, Roka slowly managed to get to her feet and limp her way over to her teammate. She fell to her knees by his side and gently hovered her shaking hands over his form. A flicker of green light surrounded her red gloves for a moment but faded away just as quickly. She tch'ed softly and pushed herself to her feet. "Can you move to the shade?" She asked him tiredly.

"Uh-huuuuh…" Naruto mumbled incoherently as he painfully got up, Roka stumbling by his side. Once they reached the shade she pulled off her gloves to reveal rice-white hands tipped in blue nail polish to match her toes, and she carefully helped Naruto remove his jacket. Sasuke came over to observe what was going on out of curiosity and was surprised when Roka pushed her tinted goggles up to get a better look at Naruto's wounds. Her eyes were a hazy purple and eyebrows so light they melted into her skin. Then his gaze flashed to her pale hands as she assessed Naruto's damage. _So she could use medical chakra… that could be useful,_ Sasuke thought. He'd actually been a bit surprised to find out that he almost liked fighting with her. This was the first time they'd done so, as all the other times were her and Naruto against him. Her style was fluid and unpredictable compared to his perfect Uchiha form. It seemed like she didn't have any basis in taijutsu at all. She just… moved, and it worked. Roka focused on evasion, tripping, and using her agility to maneuver her opponents (the clones) into running into each other and dispelling. She also had a peculiar fondness for wrestling which Sasuke thought more than a little odd. But she somehow always managed to tackle the real Naruto so she never fell over from dispelling the clone she charged. She hadn't fallen at all, turning every stumble into a step, and lurch into a roll, until that last time when she missed the tackle. It was part of what made her style so unpredictable; it was full of mistakes that she used her quick reflexes and recovery time to turn into unexpected movements. In a real battle though, each of those mistakes could mean death and then she'd never get the chance to turn it to her advantage. Sasuke was willing to admit, Roka wasn't weak, but she wasn't good either. She was the first of them to give out, after all. But maybe… if she could really heal Naruto's injuries, Sasuke would be willing to reconsider his assessment. After all, if she was a medic, then she could heal herself from all her mistakes and Sasuke wouldn't have to worry about her dying. He'd had enough of people he knew dying.

Roka's hands flickered again.

"Good, nothin' bones broke. Bruises are small internal bleedings under the skin… so like, timy, micro-, uh, micro-cosmic cuts?" She mumbled to herself.

She was slurring her words slightly, Kakashi noted. _Maybe using healing jutsu isn't such a good idea when she's that tired… oh well, Rin did that loads of times. It's fine._

Medical chakra flared to life in her hands and her brows scrunched up in concentration. "Ugh, don't have enough entrol or conergy to fix every cell one by one! Come on, think! How does chou-tan do it?" Eventually she slumped in defeat, passing her glowing hands over the worst of Naruto's bruises. "I can't remember how to heal bruises but that should numb it for a while… sorry."

Naruto beamed in amazement. "Hey, This is great! It doesn't hurt at all now!" He clasped her roughly on the back, eliciting a strangled _hurk!_ From his teammate before Roka fell forward in a faint.

* * *

 **Notes:**

No one left any reviews last chapter, I'm so sad! Oh well, there's always next time. You know, it's funny, this is the story that I've put the most of myself into but gets less response than some of the ones I posted on a whim. C'est la vie. Maybe I'll try changing up the summary. Any suggestions?

 **Acronyms to remember:**

 **SAF** = _Special Accommodations Force_

 **MAD** = _Medical Anomalies Division_

 **PID** = _Physical Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Physical Division_ or _Physical_

 **SID** = _Sensory Impairment Division_ , sometimes shortened to _Sensory Division_ or _Sensory_

 **NMP** = _New Military Police_

 **KonStan** = _Konoha Standard_ (referring to sign language)

 **Next time on, Welcome to the MAD House: Welcome to the MAD House!**


End file.
